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Know Yourself

People who have had any exposure to the 12-step movement will be familiar with the phrase, “rigorous honesty is the first rule of recovery.” At the Naked Truth Project, we say: “get real to get rid.” 

What does rigorous honesty look like when you’re trying to quit porn?  What does it mean to “get real and get rid”? 

One element of it is asking yourself this question: “When I am vulnerable?”

Think about a typical week and the times and places when you are most vulnerable. Is it after 10pm, when you're tired and alone? Is it when you scroll through certain social media accounts? Are you more vulnerable when you’ve had a few drinks, or spent time with a particular group of friends who joke about sex?

In the next few weeks, start to pay attention when you feel that pull towards porn. It will be different for different people. Some people can’t have an unrestricted smart phone - they need restrictions, or a phone without internet. Others can deal with a smartphone, but give them a remote control and cable TV, and they’ve got problems. What are your weak spots?  When have you made mistakes in the past? 

The Message translation of Lamentations 3:40 puts it like this: "Let’s take a good look at the way we’re living and reorder our lives under God." It's important to take a good look at your week to know when you are weak, and then take steps to avoid what you can, 'reordering your life' under God. 

There's a famous saying, “Why fight a battle tomorrow that you have the power to eliminate today?"

Let me restate this, because it's important. “Figure your trigger,” so that you can understand when you’re vulnerable. Then, reorder your life: plan to avoid, mitigate or deal with that vulnerability. Whatever it is, you need to get real to get rid. Be honest about the fact that what may not be an issue for someone else has become a vulnerability for you.

If Instagram is your gateway to porn, delete it. If staying downstairs when your spouse has gone to bed is a vulnerable time for you, go to bed when they do. Why fight a battle in 30 minutes that you have the power to totally eliminate by going to bed right now?

Another important way to get real is to be honest about the excuses that enable your porn use.  What are the things that go through your head when you are considering using porn? 

• “I deserve this.” 
• “At least I'm just looking at porn, it could be worse.” 
• “There is no point in trying anymore, I've already messed up this week.” 
• “This is the only thing that can meet my needs.”

Any of those statements sound familiar?  Now let me ask you this: can these things we tell ourselves be trusted? 

Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful.”  That's a strong statement, isn't it? After all, how many times have you heard the opposite sentiment in culture, in the encouragement, “just follow your heart?” We are often led to believe that our heart is a faithful friend who knows us better than anyone else. And yet, we’ve all experienced times when our heart has been more like a dishonest salesperson than a trustworthy friend!

So what's the sales pitch that your heart uses to justify being tempted by porn? Learning to recognise the lies we tell ourselves is an important way to “get real and get rid.”

Once again today, pause, be brave, and ask the Holy Spirit to examine and test your ways, your heart, your words, and your weaknesses. Allow Him to “lead you in the way everlasting,” reordering your life under God.