Fear

Eventually, the waiting ended. By God's miraculous intervention, my husband and I were blessed with another pregnancy.  To my surprise, I wasn't filled with the joy that I had anticipated. Instead, I was overwhelmed by a paralyzing fear. It had been easier to trust God's will before when there was nothing left to lose. Now that we had a new baby in our lives, I was terrified that I would experience another loss. There was no guarantee that God's will and my will would be the same. I couldn't trust God to do what I wanted Him to. 

I found a hymn from the 1700's called “Be Still My Soul,” that met me in my fear. The lyrics are:

"Be still my soul the Lord is on thy side
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change He faithful will remain
Be still my soul thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end"

This song seemed to express all of the mixed emotions in my heart perfectly. It reminded me that even though the worst case scenario in my mind was a very real possibility, God would be faithful to bring me through it. I had to learn to trust. I had to carry my baby with open hands. I had to be willing to receive and give back. I had to let go. 

In the letting go, I found peace.

Fear can be absolutely paralyzing. The enemy uses lies to create fear in our lives. The best way to combat that fear is to keep the truth close by and return to it consistently. When we give in to fear, we allow Satan to achieve his goal to steal, kill, and destroy. God, on the other hand, has a different plan in mind for us- to give us life and life abundantly! When we allow fear to rein in our hearts and minds, we willingly cast away the freedom and peace that He has for us!