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Friends or Foes: Conflict Behavior 

Devotional

Two of my favorite things to talk to couples about are “being on the same team” and “fighting together for your marriage.” The two go hand in hand. When you and your spouse see yourselves as a team, it addresses one of the main issues with conflict: selfishness. If the two of you are fighting together instead of fighting each other, the problem is no longer separating you because you are working to solve it together.  

These concepts are great in theory and when applied consistently they really do work.  The issue for each of us then is being consistent. We can rock along with things really going well. We can almost get lulled into thinking that we finally have this conflict thing conquered. Then a problem comes up. Now we are faced with at least three choices.  

• When things are going well, our tendency can be to minimize a problem that should be dealt with because we do not want to rock the boat. So we let it go, but it usually comes back around. Or,  
• We can fall back into old patterns and let the problem come between us. That won’t work now, just like it did not work then. Or,
• We can set a time to talk about the problem and solve it together with the resolve that the problem will not come between us. We will fight it together. 

I hate to admit that Nancy and I can still fall into choices one and two. It makes no sense. I know better but sometimes I go to “me first” instead of “God first.” That is really the bottom line isn’t it? If I go to God first, my choice will always be number three. He reminds me that Nancy is my best friend and not my enemy. He helps me be honest and humble. He takes away the obstacles of my pride and selfishness. He tells me that the three of us (God, Nancy, and me) have got this. Remember that you always have a choice, and you always have a God who has all the answers.

Today’s Challenge

Is there anything that gets in the way of the two of you being on the same team? What is it? What is your next step in solving that problem together?

Going Deeper

What does “fighting for your marriage” look like when the two of you are fighting together? What is a battle that you need to be fighting together today? What is your first step in beginning the fight?