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Marriage on Hold: Kids

Devotional:

Nancy and I were married five years when our son was born. Almost three years later, our daughter was born. Both were answers to prayer as we had waited a long time to be a mom and a dad. Going into parenthood, we had a good marriage. We had worked through a number of our issues. It was far from perfect, but we were headed in the right direction. 

We had two goals as we entered into this stage of life together. We wanted to be the best parents we could be, and we wanted to have the marriage God had for us. It seemed like the right plan, and we set out with confidence, but with no clue how difficult both would be. At times, there were temptations to put all of our time and energy into the kids. They were active and involved in so much, and we loved it all.  

We had a choice. We could put our marriage on hold and live for the kids, or we could keep our marriage strong and work at balance. We choose number two. Why? First, God tells us to put Him first and our marriage second. There is no addendum that says “put kids above marriage while they are in the home.” Second, we knew from five years of working on our marriage that we could not coast. Our marriage needed consistent attention, and the absolute last thing we wanted was for our kids to grow up in a broken home. 

The pressures to have a child-centered home were probably as strong then as they are today. We saw couples we knew make that choice. Sadly, many of those marriages did not survive. It is not much fun being married to a stranger. This is what we experienced. God honored our decision. I have no doubt that we were better parents because we followed His plan and our marriage was better too. We received the best of both worlds. How about you? Which plan will you choose?

Today’s Challenge:

If someone on the outside took an honest look at your family, would they see it as child-centered or as balanced, with the marriage as first priority? Share your answers with each other.

Going Deeper:

Culturally, most of us feel pressure to put our marriage on hold while raising kids, at least to some extent. What are those pressures for the two of you? How will you navigate them together?

Resource:

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