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Forgiveness

All of us can be offended and hurt, as well as offend and hurt other people. One of the issues we run into when we are hurt is how our hurts can often hold us back and trap us, stopping us from moving forward. Being offended and hurt is inevitable, but living offended is a choice. Being hurt is inevitable, holding on to hurts is a choice.

It is so easy to remain stuck in offenses. It takes work to work through them. But as a follower of Jesus, it is important to know that the future God has for you is too meaningful for you to remain where you are. One of the ways we move forward is by practicing forgiveness towards those who hurt us.

Like all things when following Jesus, forgiveness is not a box to check or something to complete. It’s about a posture. Forgiveness is not something that should run out after a certain number of uses. It’s the posture and attitude of someone who follows Jesus. This is what Jesus is trying to demonstrate to his disciples in Matthew 17 and 18.

But here’s the problem; as nice as forgiveness sounds, we all know how hard it is to do. Especially if someone has deeply wounded you. It’s easy to say “we should forgive,” but living it out when you have been violated, abused, lied to, or taken advantage of is not a flippant thing.

So when we talk about the need to forgive, we also need to remember six things that forgiveness is not. Forgiveness is not:

• Forgetting what someone has done to you.
• Waiting for an apology. For various reasons, sometimes people will never apologize.
• Ceasing to feel pain. You can still be deeply hurt after you forgive someone.
• A one-time event. Many times we will have to forgive people again when certain triggers or memories bring us back to the time we were hurt.
• Trusting. Forgiveness doesn’t mean the relationship stays the same. You can forgive someone without trusting them again.
• Reconciliation. Reconciliation takes two people. If the one being forgiven won’t acknowledge and repent for their wrong, then you won’t be able to reconcile.

All of this to say, forgiveness is hard. Many times it may take a while for us to be able to forgive. And forgiving doesn’t mean things will go back to the way they were before.

In reality, forgiveness is unfair. Often it is not deserved. And yet, so is the Gospel. Jesus forgives the unforgivable in us, so we can forgive others. In the end, justice comes from Jesus, who either takes our shame to the cross, or allows us to experience it ourselves outside of his Kingdom if we reject him. Ultimately, we have to decide whether or not we trust that vengeance truly does belong to the Lord, and that he will one day make every wrong right.

In all these things, remember this: forgiveness is first a decision and second a feeling. Many times we may not “feel” it, but we can do many things we don’t feel like doing. As followers of Christ, we should ask God to give us a posture of forgiveness so that even when it is really hard, we might be able to emulate Jesus, who decided to forgive us.

Today’s reflection:

What would it look like to live with a posture of forgiveness? Even if you can’t always forgive right away, how can you cultivate the desire to be a forgiving person in your life?