Healthy Practices Of Ministry CouplesНамуна

Talk It Out
by Jud and Lori Wilhite of Central Christian Church

Communication is vital in our relationships. We need time to download the day, share the highs and lows of work, home, and school. But there is a temptation for some to hold back—to not communicate our feelings or struggles with our spouses.

A few years ago we hit a major speed bump in our marriage. It seemed there was an unending list of things Jud needed to do. He worked hard, long hours. And, to put it bluntly, I (Lori) felt abandoned. I had a two year old and newborn at home. I spent my days with diapers, dolls, and Dora the Explorer. I felt like I rarely saw my husband. I didn’t feel like I was sharing him with the church; it felt more as if they had taken him hostage and I was going to be hard pressed to get him back.

The record that played in the back of my mind stated over and over that if Jud was called by God to this work, then I was going to have to suck it up and take one for the team. So I did. I took a deep breath, put my head down, and went to work. But over that year, bitterness took root, and I was silent about what was going on in my heart and life.

Then our marriage saving moment arrived. On the phone with a friend late one night, I confessed that I felt much like a single mom. As God would have it, Jud walked by at just the right moment. He was upset to learn that I felt so incredibly alone and abandoned. He was shocked; he’d had no idea I felt that way! We sat down, and for the first time, I laid out all that I had been feeling. Shockingly, he hadn’t been able to read my mind. Can you imagine?

No more silence. No more taking one for the team. It was time to address our emotional, spiritual, and relational health. We needed to do the hard work to get our marriage back to a healthy place.

We don’t know what is blocking you from sharing the struggles and conflicts going on in your heart and life, but please don’t cover them in silence any longer. Have the hard conversations, so you can begin moving forward as a couple, on the same team, toward a healthier marriage.

1. Do you feel the freedom and safety to share your heart with your spouse? Why or why not?

2. What steps do you need to take today to begin an honest future with your spouse?