The New Loneliness: Nurturing Connection When You Feel IsolatedНамуна

Day 3: The Loneliness of Shame: Realizing Who Is for You

In the Bible, we read many times about that “judging gaze of others.” And nearly every time, Jesus sets the judgmental crowd straight, calling out their own sin when they’re trying to shame others. In John 8: 4-11, we are told that the religious leaders brought a woman to Jesus and threw her at His feet, accusing her of committing adultery.

Jesus had every right to judge this woman, but He showed compassion on her instead. How much more compassion will He have for you when you’ve confessed your sin to Him? If you are trusting in Jesus as your Savior, you don’t need to fear His judgment for something you’ve done in the past. Nor do you need to carry the shame any longer (1 John 1:9; 2 Corinthians 5:17).

Our Shame and Brokenness

Why are you and I so moved by the stories of Jesus’ tenderness and compassion toward women who were in shame? Could it be that we sometimes feel it is our story? Is it because we long to pour our tears on the literal feet of Jesus, and to hear His compassionate words that we are forgiven? Scripture tells us we all have sinned and fallen short of His glory (Romans 3:23). If you have repented of your sin condition and given your life to Christ, chances are you still feel the shame of your actions or lifestyle before entering that saving relationship with Jesus. But, dear one, if you have sincerely repented of the sin in your life, these stories aren’t about you any longer. Sin—which naturally produces shame—was a disease you were born with, and a condition you were redeemed of when you received Jesus as your Savior.

That Accusing Inner Voice

Simply put, shame is from us (or from the enemy of our souls). It’s an accusing voice, a blaming and condemning voice, a derogatory voice that says: You’re a failure. You’re a loser. You’re worthless. You’re a horrible person to do that and still call yourself a Christian. Do you hear how stinging and biting that voice can be? Trust me, my friend, that inner voice is not the voice of God’s Holy Spirit.

But sometimes it’s someone else’s voice ringing through our ears. People who are blind to their own sins are pretty good at shaming others, and we happen to be especially critical of ourselves. Could your shame be coming from a lie someone once told you or a lie your own inner critic keeps repeating? Shame often sounds the opposite of what you’ll read in God’s Word. For example:

• Shame condemns. God’s Word reassures us there is no condemnation in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).
• Shame tells us we are wrecked, damaged, and beyond repair. God’s Word tells us we are a new creation in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17).
• Shame tells us we will never amount to anything in God’s eyes or anyone else’s. God’s Word tells us we are loved with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) and we are His masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10 NLT).
• Shame tells us we have exhausted our chances. God’s Word tells us His grace abounds and we are as forgiven as God is rich (Ephesians 1:7).

The secret to ridding your mind and memory of shame is to believe what God’s Word says. John 4:4 assures us “greater is He who is in you [the Holy Spirit] than he who is in the world [Satan].” God’s Holy Spirit gives you the faith to believe the truth, and the power to resist the enemy’s lies. Here are the basics—the ABCs of how you can keep the truth foremost in your mind when shame tries to creep back in.

A — Acknowledge that shame is gone. Psalm 103:12 assures us that as far as the east is from the west, so far has God removed our wrongdoings (and that includes our guilt and shame) from us. Memorize this short verse so that you can let this truth really sink in.

B — Believe you’re truly free. Romans 8:1 assures us that God no longer holds any of your sin against you. Believe it. To not believe it is to call God a liar.

C — Claim your new identity in Christ. Consider memorizing 2 Corinthians 5:17: “If anyone is in Christ, this person is a new creation; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” I love the word “behold” in that verse. It means “look—be amazed, how incredible the newness that has come.”

Embrace that shame-free existence in Christ! It’s yours. It’s who you really are.