Navigating Doubt as a LeaderНамуна

This is beautiful. Asaph is praying; he names his doubt, defends it, considers who he is becoming because of it…then he starts to doubt his doubt.

But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God… (v. 16-17a)

It takes faith to keep doubting. There was evidence around him challenging that “God is good to his people.” But there was also evidence pointing to God’s goodness.

So he began to doubt his doubts…here is what that meant.

“It seemed hopeless until I entered God’s sanctuary.” What did he do in the midst of his doubt? He went to the temple. To do his job — lead worship. It would be like you going to church and picking up your guitar. He led the people in worship, declaring the goodness of God that he was, in that very moment, struggling to believe.

Do you know how to doubt your doubts? Ask hard questions and search for the answers. Some questions have great answers, and some are more mysterious.

But doubt is not just about questions and answers. A huge part of doubting your doubts is doing the very things your doubts would say you are disqualified from doing.

Asaph, you can’t lead worship in the middle of a crisis of faith. You can’t go to the sanctuary. You are on the verge of calling God a liar! Get a new job. Leave town until you figure your stuff out. Your doubt has disqualified you from doing what the people of God do.

You ever feel that? The accusation:

You can’t read your Bible with the doubts you have…

You can’t lead in the church when you aren’t even sure God really loves you…

You can’t walk on stage and lead that set when you aren’t even sure you believe all the lyrics…

Do you see what is happening there? Doubt is not “I don’t believe,” it's “I’m struggling to believe.” That struggle is a mixture of doubt and faith. But so often, we give the doubt all the power. We only allow the doubt to speak; we only allow the doubt to disqualify. And we believe, “Until I get this all right, I can’t be all in.”

You should doubt that.

It’s not true. The best place for you to be and the best thing for you to do are the very things that doubt (as a liar) says you are not allowed to do.

Faith is not about the absence of all doubt. Faith is about pursuing God even in the midst of doubt — obeying God, loving God, worshipping God, reading His Word, leading in His Church, singing His songs, and lifting your hands. Those are not things reserved only for people with strong faith.

They are for weak, doubting, new, complicated, shaky faith — for any kind of faith — because, for the Christian, the quality of that faith is not what makes you worthy. It’s the object of the faith. And God is not new; He is eternal; He is not shaky; He is immovable; He is not weak; He is strong.

A weak faith in a strong God is more than enough. Here is how Asaph says it in verse 23:

Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.

You know why he didn’t slip? Was it because he figured it out? No. Was it because he promised never to doubt again? No. He says, You hold my right hand. I didn’t slip because you were holding onto me.

My friend, you are safe — not because of the handle you have on your doubt, but because of the hold God has on you, because of the Christ-secured, blood-bought, covenant-sealed promise of a loving God who will never let you go.

That’s why the prayer ends the way it does. He remembers God’s hold on him. He returns to the goodness of God. Some of the most beautiful words of prayer in all the Bible are these:

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. (v. 25-26)

Those words are the fruit of honest prayers with God from a heart filled with doubt and faith. What would it sound like for you?

Doubt your doubts, and return to the God who right now holds you.