Peace in PoliticsНамуна

Healthy disagreement

Two requirements: Love and humility

It is important to note a couple of distinguishing factors between healthy and unhealthy disagreement. The first we’ve already discussed: love. This isn’t an “I want to be your best friend” type of love. It’s a love founded in an “I see your value and worth as a human being” mindset. This is critical when we enter into periods of active disagreement. When we engage in conflict without this mutual respect and love for one another, we begin to turn our attacks toward a person’s identity rather than their beliefs. Instead of critiquing the value of a particular stance, we critique the value of the person taking the stance. This diminishes the clarity of our viewpoint and can cause long-lasting relational harm. The people with whom we disagree must always be confident that we still love them, regardless of their viewpoint.

If we decide who we are willing to have a relationship with on the basis of whether we judge them as right or wrong, we’re practicing the wrong set of priorities.

God calls us to love and unity, all the while recognizing that we may never reach a sense of uniformity.

Healthy disagreement allows for honesty without diminishing another person’s value and worth.

The second factor that distinguishes healthy and unhealthy disagreement is humility. Tim Keller described humility in this way: “The thing we would remember from meeting a truly gospel-humble person is how much they seemed to be totally interested in us. Because the essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.”

We’ve all been around people who lack this quality. It’s readily apparent when someone is only concerned about their own interests and opinions. In order to have truly healthy disagreements, we must be willing to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. We must be able to truly care about others and their perspective.

When we enter a disagreement with humility, it allows us to see a different perspective. It makes space to learn, change, and grow. Without humility, any disagreement into which we enter is already flawed, most likely fruitless, and potentially destructive.

The inner work

So, how do we walk in love and humility? How do we humbly enter into disagreement? It begins with a willingness to examine our hearts, allowing God to reveal areas that may not be aligned with his.

Read Matthew 7:1-5.

These are strong words. Yet how often do we quickly point out the flaws in others without having an honest examination of ourselves? What would it look like to examine our own beliefs before telling others where their beliefs fall short? What would it look like to be honest with ourselvs and others about the mistakes our political party has made, before picking apart the shortcomings of our “opponents”?

As previously mentioned, there is no perfect person or party. Humility starts with full awareness of that truth. When we’re honest with others about where we fall short, we often earn their ear and their trust.

Another way we can learn to walk in humility is through serving others. Richard Foster writes, “More than any other single way the grace of humility is worked into our lives through the discipline of service . . . Nothing disciplines the inordinate desires of the flesh like service, and nothing transforms the desires of the flesh like serving in hiddenness. The flesh whines against service but screams against hidden service. It strains and pulls for honor and recognition.”

When we serve those around us, even those with whom we disagree, our ego and pride are transformed into love and compassion. A major indication of an unhealthy disagreement involves us elevating ourselves and our opinions. Serving pulls us back into a humble, loving, kingdom-minded perspective.

How can you love and serve the people with whom you disagree?

Even the thought of this question might sound painful, or irritating, which likely indicates how important this step really is.

Pseudo-peace

At this point, you may be wondering how healthy disagreement, or serving those with whom we disagree, has anything to do with finding peace in this political season. Disagreement and conflict feel like the opposites of peace. They feel like something we should try to avoid. And while there is value in avoiding unnecessary conflict, healthy disagreements can function as a pathway toward true peace when we begin from a place of love and humility.

Have you ever been in a situation where the tension was so thick you could almost touch it? Or have you stood next to someone knowing that you needed to share what’s on your heart, even though it could lead to a fight? One option in these situations is to remain quiet, avoiding the conflict altogether in the name of peace. Yet, all you’re really left with is a pseudo-peace, an avoidance of the necessary confrontation. Artificial harmony is not peace. Avoidance of conflict is not love. It would be like leaving a splinter beneath the skin to avoid the pain of its removal. While it may delay some immediate discomfort, it ultimately leaves you with a lingering unease, anxiety, and a potential for greater issues.

True peace, at times, may only be found by humbly and lovingly stepping into the conflict with the purpose of seeking authentic harmony. This doesn’t require that everyone agree at the end of the disagreement. It does require that each person involved feels safe, heard, understood, and love.