Fighting LonelinessНамуна

Loneliness in Marriage

What I’m about to say is a difficult thing for some of us men to endure:

Loneliness in marriage is a painful reality for a lot of men.

Biblically speaking, Genesis (and other passages) tells us that when a man and a woman get married, they become one. This image of unity is unique to the marriage relationship.

But what if after the two became one, the one feels like two again?

There’s an old saying about how it takes two to tango. We generally view that through the lens of a disagreement or argument.

But have you ever seen a tango? It’s a dance of passion, emotion, and commitment to your partner.

When you got married, you probably had hopes of laughter, adventure, and connection. But maybe, over the years, the relationship turned into disgruntlement, boredom, or distance, leaving you, as the husband, feeling lonely.

What should we, as Christian men, do in this situation?

I wish the answer were easy, but it’s not.

Paul tells us in Ephesians 5 that men are to “love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25, NIV).

Have you ever not loved Jesus? Yet He still loves you.

Have you ever not spent time with Him? Yet He still loves you.

Have you ever not spoken to Him for a while? Yet He still loves you.

The answer to these questions for me? Yes. Yes. And yes.

When I realize this, I am amazed by the depth of Jesus’ love and grace for me.

And that’s the love and grace He is calling us to have towards our wives.

But this will take some hard work.

Maybe personal or couples’ counseling is needed.

Maybe it’s greater accountability.

Maybe you need to apologize to her and own what is yours in the dance you are in.

Whatever you need to do to love your wife as Christ loves the church, do it.

But here’s the kicker: you can’t control her. All you can do is bring your full “one” to the equation.

Maybe then, the lonely two will feel united as one once again.

Prayer: Jesus, I know that You created marriage. Thank You for my wife. She is a gift from You. Forgive me for not cherishing her the way I need to. Help me to bring my full self to our marriage. Amen.

Reflection: Take some time this week to invest in your wife!