Resilient and Redeemed: Lessons About Faith, Depression & SuicidalityНамуна

How Gritty Friendships Saved My Life

The day I almost ended my life started out just like most other days. I ushered the kids out the door to school and got to work. Nothing out of the ordinary happened, and it stayed that way until around eleven that morning. Then, seemingly from nowhere, I found myself bowled over by a wave of depressive thoughts.

You’re never going to overcome this sadness, Chris. It’s not going to pass. You are going to be in this pain for the rest of your life, and you can’t bear that. You should take those pills and end it now.

I determined that I would call my wife at work and decide what to do based on how she responded. When she picked up the phone, I told her I wanted to die by suicide. She took a deep breath and asked for a moment to gather her thoughts. “I wasn’t expecting this,” she said. My wife worked as a nurse, so she couldn’t just drop everything and come home. The decisions she made next are the reason I’m still here today. “I’m going to marshal the troops and get you taken care of. Hang with me on the phone for a few minutes.” I mumbled something and stayed on the phone, and then I started getting text messages. A lot of text messages.

I had two texts from my friends Tim and Kevin. They said words like “Hey, buddy, don’t you give up on us. We need you here in this life” and “Life won’t be the same without you in it.” Then I got a couple of phone calls. Lindsay spoke of times I had been her best support through some of her specific challenges, and how she knew those times would come again. Then Joel called. He is a chaplain at a mental health facility, so he was assessing me. A few short minutes later, Joel was at my house to escort me to the psych ward.

As I consider this moment in my life, gratitude wells up in my soul for my wife and all my friends. Everyone showed up when I needed them the most. I’m still here, I know I’m loved, and I know I’m not too much for my friends. They didn’t hide behind not knowing what to say or being uncomfortable or thinking good Christians don’t struggle with suicide. They just showed up. Their earthy, gritty, grinding-it-out-in-the-grime-of-life friendships saved my life that day.

Too often we live our lives standing alone, so we find ourselves more easily attacked and defeated. Perhaps the attack comes from behind when we least expect it, after we’ve let our guard down. I’ve been there, when my depression raises its ugly head seemingly out of nowhere and I find myself unprepared for the battle. I know I’m not alone in this.

What would need to change in your life to have a triple-braided cord of support like we see in Ecclesiastes 4:12? What can the first step toward that be, one that you can take today?