Hope in Hard PlacesНамуна

Infant Loss Amid Military Life

Allow me to share the deeply personal and unexpected blessings that unfolded during the loss of our infant daughter, Antonia.

When you are living your deepest fear

The pivotal moment occurred on December 23 during a routine 20-week ultrasound. The news was devastating: our second baby, a girl, had anencephaly, a neural tube defect akin to spina bifida. The delicate brain tissue was exposed to amniotic fluid due to the spinal cord not fully closing. Our lives caring for a special-needs child flashed before our eyes.

The doctor's prognosis was bleak; it was fatal. Inducing labor was suggested, but Todd and I let God-given life take its course. Controversial as it was, we clung to the natural course of events. Ironically, we had plans to attend a military family "winter sports camp" just days later. This turned out to be divine providence as God used this time to infuse courage into our spirits. We found solace in the stories of a family whose child battled cancer and a young service member recovering from a severe bout of cancer.

God still has a plan for you

This marked the beginning of a flood of blessings. Every day, gifts came to our doorstep—cards, fruit baskets, flowers, hot dinners, vacation getaways, babysitting offers, specific words of encouragement, and more. Friends reached out from afar, offering weekly calls and including our daughter's life in a 40-day fast.

I experienced a profound, tangible sense of God's presence and protection, a peace that surpassed understanding. Our subsequent doctor's visit brought unexpected joy. Though anencephalic babies are stillborn 50% of the time, Antonia's birth spanned three days. She was baptized and nursed, and she never left our arms during this time. The memorial service, attended by much of our immediate family and 300 others, became a sweet and celebratory day rather than a sad occasion.

He will not leave you

In the months following, the local university debated the medical ethics of our case, and my dad embraced faith in Christ. Photos of Antonia's gravesite still reach me, a testament to the lasting impact of her brief existence. Antonia's birthday, Cinco De Mayo, is a family celebration of laughter and joy. I share these moments not to dwell on the sorrow but to emphasize the numerous blessings woven into her life and death.

Adapted from a Planting Roots Article by Andrea Plotner