Slay the Sexy DragonНамуна

Winning the War Within

There’s a scene in the movie The Lord of The Rings that stood out to me while watching it last weekend. I felt it perfectly illustrates the battles we face in our desire to do good, but often end up making the wrong decision. Frodo, the main character, is on his quest to Mordor to destroy the ring in the fire of Mount Doom. Until this point, Frodo had maintained innocence & prevented himself from being influenced by the ring's power. But along the way, his journey becomes intertwined with another character, Smeagol, who suffered greatly after murdering his friend to obtain the ring (before it fell into Frodo's hands) & became possessed by the power of the ring that eroded at the integrity of his soul, turning him into a degenerate hunched hobbit with a dark side alter ego named Gollum. Smeagol always desired to do good, but Gollum constantly protested, building a case each time as to why doing the wrong thing was the ‘right’ thing to do.

But Smeagol wasn’t the only one swooned by the power of the ring. After a long day of traveling on foot, Frodo lay curled up beside the campfire, the smell of grass & smoke putting him to sleep, exhausted from the weary journey & even more fatigued from carrying the burden of this mission to defeat evil. In a vulnerable moment, Frodo pulls out the ring & begins to stroke it between his fingers. The flickering light of the fire illuminated its gold metal frame-- its beauty seducing Frodo’s enfeebled restraint. Whispers from ‘The Eye’ (a representation of the evil powers of darkness, Sauron, who created the ring) entice Frodo to put the ring on & allow it to possess him to become all-powerful. In a moment, Frodo is found in a trance with the ring, his heart beating a million miles a minute, & in the near distance, Gollum’s screechy voice chants in praise of 'his precious.' “Once it takes hold of us, it never lets go," the sound of Gollum's voice awakens Frodo out of his trance. Frodo pushes Gollum away as he recognizes the influence of both the ring & what it can do to anyone who becomes possessed by it.“Who are you,” Frodo demands of Gollum & for a brief moment, Gollum remembers who he was before he gave himself over to the powers of darkness.

Ok, so you may not be a Lord of The Rings enthusiast like me, but hopefully I did a quality job of depicting this moment for anyone who hasn’t watched the movies. Something about this scene branded itself into my mind. I felt God’s presence so strongly in this illustration because so much of what we’ve been taught about good & evil has been presented as black & white. Do this, don’t do that. God is good, the devil is bad. But if it were that basic Adam & Eve would have never sinned in the garden. The problem is deception comes in the form of good, which is why depicting good vs. evil isn’t as easy as 1, 2, 3.

I could sit here & give you 5 ways to stay pure & slay the sexy dragon. People love formulas. They’re easy to digest & follow. But I'd rather look you in the eye, tell you the truth about what the Bible says about good & evil, & let you navigate your journey with God for yourself just like Frodo. It’s less endorphin-driven theology & ‘rah-rah’ preachy of a message, but I believe it’s the missing piece in this purity conversation for a generation that grew up with a whole lot of rules & a whole lot less vision for who they desired to become.

When I was battling with my inner demons of lust, I heard a Christian speaker say they believed you could masturbate & it still be holy. This statement opened up a door for me to be deceived that started with a behavior & authorized an addiction I never desired. Just like Gollum said, “Once it takes hold of us, it never lets go.” An addiction is something you don’t have control over. It’s a little more serious than just doing something because you enjoy it, even when you know it’s not the right thing to do. It’s the same power the ring had over Gollum. I found myself bound & I was desperate for freedom.

As I was seeking God one night, I came across a YouTube video from Kris Valliton, founder of Moral Revolution (a ministry out of Bethel Church that creates powerful resources on healthy sexuality), who was speaking at a conference & addressing the topic of masturbation. The video was about 13 years old & only 11 minutes long, so I thought, ‘What the heck, can’t hurt to listen.’ Little did I know, God only needed 11 minutes to drop a revelation in me that transformed the way I viewed my sexual desires & gave me the power I needed to break free from my addiction. In the middle of his talk, Kris shared a statement I will never forget, “Stop asking if what you’re doing is right or wrong & start asking, ‘Who am I becoming with this behavior?’” He continued by sharing how God desires for us to not just do the right thing, but to live out of an authentic expression of who He designed us to be. Instead of looking at our sexual addictions or behaviors as wrong & shameful, we should look at them through the lens of healthy or unhealthy. Why is it that we look at all other types of behaviors such as eating habits & question if it’s healthy, but when it comes to the desires & impulses of our sexuality, we want to cast shame? Eating a chili-cheese dog 3 times a day isn’t wrong, but it sure ain't healthy. Working out too much to the point of body dysmorphia isn’t wrong either, but it sure ain't healthy. Being intentional about who you’re becoming through questioning the behaviors that have become your addictions is far more impactful than trying to do the right thing out of religious obligation.

So let me ask you: Is watching pornography a healthy consumption? Is it helping you become more authentic, more whole, more like Jesus, & who God created you to be? Is masturbating inspiring you to live a life of holiness, more purpose-driven, more alive in your calling? Is sleeping with your partner & dipping into the sexual indulgence of marriage benefits laying a healthy foundation for your future marriage & the faithfulness you will pledge to each other? To echo the words of Frodo, “Who are you?” Have you lost yourself in your addiction/compromise? Do you feel like Gollum, constantly at odds with your desire for good, never able to overcome evil, & feeling like it will never let you go? Or maybe you’re like Frodo, innocent from the powers of darkness, yet entertaining the allure of pleasure with a stroke of curiosity, vulnerable to deception.

Wherever you find yourself, there is a battle for your desire at war within you. James 4 puts it plainly:

"...your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions…."

Perhaps the reason you’ve been bound all this time is because you too have been asking wrongly. Winning the war within first begins with asking God to remind you of who He created you to be & getting clear with your decisions in your becoming journey.

Having sexual desires is not wrong or unhealthy. But what you do with those desires & impulses is what can lead to sin & an unhealthy sexual lifestyle.

Do you feel like you're fighting a never-ending war within? Do you feel powerless in your desire to do the right thing, but constantly fall into the seduction of the alluring gratification of your flesh? If you’re not proud of the man or woman you’ve become as a result of your behavior up to this moment, go to God & ask Him to remind you of who He created you to be. Get alone with God & repent of trying to put him in a box & formula. Ask Him to reveal the areas in your heart that are broken & need healing. Allow for a time of silence & receive the love of the Father. Ask Him to give you a vision for your future & the person you desire to become. Write it down & post it on your wall. Each morning, read this vision aloud & begin to filter your life’s decisions & ask yourself if those actions align with who you desire to become.