The Healing Process: Rebuilding Trust

Devotional Content: 

About three weeks after I saw Emily the first time, she and Aiden sat in my office together. Emily was not making any promises but she was willing to listen and give the marriage a chance. Aiden was scared and it was written all over his face. He wanted to make this marriage heal and then grow into something better than either of them could imagine. I wanted that for them too and I knew it was what God wanted. I also knew that without God they didn’t have a chance.

Emily had a lot of questions for Aiden and I cautioned her before we proceeded. Often in trying to make sense of something that will never make sense, we ask questions and get way more information than we need. Sometimes this information puts images in our mind that are very difficult to get rid of. Emily seemed to understand and we proceeded cautiously with her questions.  

Aiden had already taken some important steps. He shut down all of his social media accounts. He gave Emily all of his passwords to everything. He put a GPS tracker on his car and Emily could see where he was 24/7. He called her when he got to work and when he left. If he was making a stop out of the ordinary, Emily knew about it ahead of time. Aiden’s friend that helped him after the affair asked him how long he intended to do all of this accountability stuff for Emily. Aiden said, “For the rest of my life.” 

One of the biggest changes happened as Aiden prayed with Emily every day. It was a few months before she responded but as she saw Aiden’s heart and what God was doing in his life, she began to join Aiden in prayer.

I met with them for about two years. There were some really rough days and nights along the way. Today they are on their way to a marriage truly better than before. Trust is now a word that Emily uses when referring to Aiden. Trust is a gift to be handled carefully and cherished in a marriage.

Today’s Challenge: Dr. Kim shares that there is no shortcut to rebuilding trust in a marriage. Make a commitment together to work as hard as you can to rebuild the trust in your marriage. Take time to pray together for your marriage. Lean into God, and ask him to work a miracle in your marriage. 

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim shares that rebuilding trust after an affair takes both spouses’ efforts. If you are the offending spouse, what can you do to show your spouse that you will be honest and consistent enough to trust again? 

2. If you are the offending spouse, how can you be patient with your spouse as they accept these changes? What can you do to show you are understanding of the time it takes as you wait for the trust to be rebuilt? 

3. If you are the offending spouse, take time this week to ask your spouse what you can do to help rebuild the trust. 

4. If you are the offending spouse take these practical steps toward rebuilding trust: repent, show remorse, be accountable with your time, make your life an open book to your spouse, cut off all contact with the person you had an affair with, stay at the comfort level of your spouse, find someone to be accountable to besides just your spouse, and pray.