Overcoming DoubtНамуна

It’s Okay to Doubt

Content warning: Today’s devotion mentions death by suicide. Please read with care.

My grandfather died by suicide when I was 17. His death left me angry, scared, and heartbroken. I had unaddressed feelings of anger toward God and lingering doubts about His existence before my grandfather’s passing. When I received the news about his suicide, it was like the proverbial last straw that almost broke my faith. I blamed God for my grandfather’s death, and I found myself reaching a crisis point.

A difficult (and somewhat ironic) struggle was happening within me: I resented a God I wasn’t completely convinced existed! I finally decided I was done with Him. This led to a period where I lived only for myself and the things of the world. Thankfully, God wasn’t done with me. It took some time, but after a year and a half, I became more open to the idea of reconnecting with Him. Someone invited me to a college campus event, and it was there that I rededicated my life to Jesus. The doubts that led me away from my faith didn’t automatically go away, but I realized that running from God was not satisfying my soul or resolving my doubts. I decided to start running toward Him instead. I began praying daily, “God, I believe, help my unbelief.” I also read a short book called More Than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell, which made a compelling case for the divinity of Christ. Again, there was no automatic resolution to my doubts. Over time, and through a deepening relationship with God, my faith was strengthened, and the doubts began to go away.

I share my story so that you know you’re not alone. I, and many other Christians, have dealt with serious doubts. Jesus’s disciples doubted. John the Baptist, the forerunner of Christ’s earthly ministry, doubted too. So many of us doubt, but there is a way through doubt that leads to greater confidence in the existence and goodness of God. You don’t have to let your doubts distance you from your faith, like mine did. You can still hold onto your faith while you doubt. Doubt is not a renunciation of faith, and it’s not the opposite of faith—unbelief is. If you are doubting today, you are not alone. Trust God to help you through the fog of doubt. Keep looking to Him, even when He’s hard to see.

Thought of the Day: As I wrestle with my questions, I will trust that there is hope on the other side. I am thankful my doubts don’t disqualify me from God’s love and grace. He will lead me through my wrestling and show Himself faithful and true to the end.