The Ministry of MarriageНамуна

WHAT ARE OUR NON-NEGOTIABLES?

What are your “non-negotiables?” In other words, what are some things you both agree that you will not tolerate or compromise in your marriage? Not just from outsiders, I’m also talking about things that you refuse to tolerate from your spouse. Brace yourselves because today is gonna be a bumpy ride.

Today we will discuss boundaries in your marriage. Yes, you read it correctly, boundaries in your marriage. If you’re like me, you probably find this concept unnecessary because in a marriage there should be no limits, no boundaries and full reign to do whatever you want to do with each other. After all, you are now one, right? Wrong! If you’re still baffled or confused, stay with me and let’s unpack this. The Bible says in Genesis 2:24, “…and the two shall become one flesh.” This means the two of you become one unit in the heart of oneness, being on one accord, but it does not eliminate your individuality. You are both still who you were before you exchanged vows and God has not called you to give up your individual identity when He joined you together as husband and wife. It is important to understand this because countless marriages are suffering due to a lack of knowledge in this area. Ladies, when you become a wife, it doesn’t mean your desires, dreams and hobbies have to take a back seat. Men, when you become a husband, that doesn’t mean you have to put to rest your passions, goals and recreational activities. No, it simply means you now have to learn how to create a space where you both can have a healthy balance between being married and still having your own time for recreation and self-care. It also means having open communication on what you will or will not tolerate as it relates to the betterment or detriment of your marriage. These are non-negotiables.

What are some things that you both agree you will not compromise on as it relates to maintaining the health, peace and solitude of your marriage? Of course, there are obvious things that go without saying, like any form of abuse whether mentally, verbally or physically. Also, things like cheating, having an affair whether emotional or physical and any form of disrespect or disregard for the marriage. But I’m also talking about the small things that can eventually turn into huge problems down the road. For some of you, it may be the type of movies or shows you watch or the kind of music you listen to. For others, it may be unhealthy friendships or toxic family members. For someone else, it may be old patterns or routines. For example, ladies if you were accustomed to having girls' night outs with your girlfriends on the weekends or shopping at the mall for hours on end when you were single, now that you’re married there will have to be some adjustments. I’m not saying you have to give it up altogether but there have to be boundaries set if you expect to have some harmony in your marriage. Fellas, if you created a habit of going out to happy hour after a long day of work with the guys during the week or spending your weekends watching sports, going to fight nights or partying and coming back home at sun-up when you were single, now that you’re married, there will definitely need to be some changes made if you expect your marriage to remain healthy and happy.

I know this is probably ruffling your feathers but let me call on my dear friend the Apostle Paul to put things into perspective for us. Paul says in Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” I am not saying any of these things we do for fun or recreation are wrong by any means, but there must be a sense of respect and consideration for your spouse when you are engaging in things that take time away from them or could potentially cause conflict in your marriage. Remember you are both individuals who happen to be on the same team under God’s leadership, so govern yourselves accordingly.

Prayer: Lord thank You for my husband/wife. Thank You for giving me someone to do life with and to grow with. God, we seek You for the tools we need to navigate the waters of harmony and unity in our marriage. Forgive us for the times we are selfish or self-centred and for not taking our spouse’s feelings and desires into consideration. Forgive us for compromising and not upholding the standard You have set for us in Your word. Our desire is to do better so that we may become better. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.