Clarifying Your Mission In MidlifeНамуна

Disappointment—How do we make a go when life doesn’t go as planned?

In moments of midlife honesty, we confess disillusionment with how life turned out. Whether with our kids, spouse, career, or health, the crisis happens in the gap between the ideal and the real.

Early on, we picture career fulfillment; after working a while, we feel career imprisonment. Before marriage, we imagine the bliss of having someone to complete us; after, we see our spouse as someone who impedes us. Before children, we want to coddle babies; later, we want to cudgel teens.

Long periods of disappointment can make escapist thoughts compelling. You’re filled with visions of a life that looks different from the one you’re living, and as business leader Todd Hendricks said, “‘Woe is me’ opens up a lot of bad doors.”

How do we handle the immense disappointments of life and the temptations to take a flying leap into the new and unknown? How about starting with a good long look, not into the abyss, but into the reality of your life. Forty-seven times in Ecclesiastes, Qoheleth instructs us to look. To examine. To press into the facts of this fleeting life.

So first, look at your life and notice: What disappoints you?

These midlife disappointments can be a gift if we let them detach us from unrealistic expectations for this life. This isn’t heaven. While we can certainly hope for joy and fulfillment on earth, are we distinguishing the truly meaningful from the briefly satisfying?

Undermining the power of unmet expectations is vital, but incomplete. Next, try gratitude, the twin virtue of contentment.

“The more a person is inclined to gratitude, the less likely he or she is to be depressed, anxious, lonely, envious, or neurotic,” writes psychology professor Sonja Lyubomirsky. One low-cost way to reap these benefits is to express thankfulness in writing three or more times a day.

Here’s the reality: We will sometimes struggle to understand the ways of God. It’s a mystery why tragedy occurs to some and not others and why God leaves some dreams unfulfilled. This is nothing new. Qoheleth reminds us, “No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun.”

But if we let them, disappointments can become divine appointments with God. When life under the sun discourages us, we can look beyond the sun, adjust our vision, and invite new dreams.