Infidelity - Part 1Намуна

Setting Boundaries

Devotional Content:

Often I see a double standard when it comes to setting boundaries with the opposite sex. We applaud the boundaries our spouse sets while at the same time being reluctant to set the same boundaries for our self. Now, that does not necessarily mean that by not setting boundaries our intention is to cross a line with the opposite sex. Usually it means that we have a false sense of our own capability to handle any situation at any time the way it needs to be handled. My experience as a counselor says you are playing with fire. Any time we think that we are not vulnerable, we are fooling ourselves. All of us are vulnerable and I am including myself in this. For me acknowledging my vulnerability is a smart move. Now I can set the boundaries in place that not only will keep me from crossing the line but will keep me far away from that line in the first place.

Our culture says that boundaries with the opposite sex are not really necessary. Having lunch or dinner with someone is okay. Traveling out of town with someone is okay. After all, it is a business trip. These things that culture says are okay can often be the first step to an affair. Every affair begins with some type of encounter. Limiting or eliminating those encounters is essential.

Peter sat in my office to talk about an issue at his work. His boss was sending him and another executive to a three day conference out of town. The other executive was a woman. Traveling alone with someone of the opposite sex violated a boundary Peter had in his marriage but he also valued his job. He worked hard to get to his position and feared he might lose it over this. What should he do? We decided the best thing was to lay it all out before his boss. Peter would tell him about his boundary and why it was important to him. We prayed together and Peter left my office to go visit with his boss. A couple of hours later, Peter sent me a text. His boss honored his conviction and was sending a third person on the trip with them. Peter’s boss got it but what if he had a different boss? The results could also have been different. My point is this: Good, solid, well thought out boundaries for your marriage are essential. Yes, there may be consequences as you follow them but in the big picture what’s really most important? Your marriage or ???? I vote for your marriage!

Today’s Challenge:

Take time this week to reassess your boundaries or create them if you have never had any. Think of five boundaries that you can put in place to protect your marriage.

Going Deeper:

1. Dr. Kim shares that boundaries are important when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. What boundaries do you currently have in place to protect your marriage when it comes to friendships of the opposite sex?

2. Make time this week to sit down with your spouse and discuss boundaries. Get on the same page about boundaries. Hear each other’s concerns, and respect the boundaries that will make your spouse feel secure in your marriage.

3. It’s important that boundaries aren’t just physical boundaries but that they also protect you against emotional affairs. What boundaries can you put in place to make sure you are not seeking emotional needs from others that you should be getting from your spouse?

4. Pray over the boundaries you have set and ask God to help protect your marriage.