Parenting Under PressureНамуна

Everyone Is Looking

The first time our daughter had a public meltdown was when she found a pair of Dora pajamas at Toys''R''Us. She wanted them, and she let us know. Actually, she let everyone know.

As her tantrum grew more intense, it was hard to determine which was more piercing—her screams or the disapproving looks of parents nearby. Before long, it was clear that we were the only people who felt justified in telling our cute little daughter “no.” With each passing moment, we felt the pressure to give in to make her stop crying.

Like many other situations in parenting, this scenario requires a plan. You need to know in advance how you are going to respond when the pressure is on. What are the battles that must be won, and which can tolerate a strategic withdrawal?

No parent wants to deprive their kids of good things, yet good parents often do. They consider the long-term impact that their decisions will have. In this situation, giving in to our daughter might have bought us some peace in the moment, but it also could have taught her that if she gets mad enough, she’ll get her way.

While that belief might not be hard to handle in a two-year-old, what might it look like when she becomes a teenager, a business woman, a wife, a mother?

Parents must be careful to teach the right lessons early. Rage should never be rewarded.

Discuss with your spouse which character traits you want to develop in your child. Perhaps you value honesty, integrity, contentment, patience, thoughtfulness, or some other virtue. Pick a few that are most important to you and then talk through different potential scenarios. Come up with a plan in advance for how to respond in order to develop the trait that you value. 

When you have thought through the long-term implications of your decisions, it will be easier to stand firm when the pressure is on.

Pray that God gives you a long-term view of discipline and that you will have the strength to carry it out when the time comes.

For more help read an excerpt from “Discipline for the Strong-Willed Child” by Kendra Smiley on FamilyLife.com.