Resisting GossipНамуна

Behind Someone’s Back

By anyone’s definition gossip happens when the person you are talking about is not there. Some translations of Proverbs 18:8 and 26:22 use the word “whisperer” instead of “gossip” or “talebearer.” A whisperer is someone who talks about you behind your back. Therefore, gossip is clandestine—and intentionally so!

You see, it is so much easier (and more interesting) to talk about someone when they are not around. Before you talk (or before you continue to talk) about someone who is not present, ask yourself the following:

• Would I say this if he were here? (Really? Be honest now.)
• Would I receive this bad news about her in the same way if she were present?
• Am I hiding this conversation from someone?
• Would I want someone else to talk this way about me if I were out of the room?

Yeah, But What About . . . ?

Let me clear up a possible misunderstanding. The Bible is not teaching that we should never talk about people who are not present. We certainly can say good things about people who are not with us. In fact, we absolutely should turn gossip around and spread good news about people!

Also, there are times when we have to talk about people who are not present and even share bad things about them. Parents, teachers, elders, pastors, even friends, teammates, coworkers, and neighbors all have to do that sometimes. This falls in line with the biblical principle of warning others. There are numerous examples of the early church being warned about specific people. In his second letter to Timothy, Paul specifically names his oppressor when he writes, “Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm; the Lord will repay him according to his deeds. Be on guard against him yourself too, for he vigorously opposed our teaching" (2 Tim. 4:14–15).

Sometimes we need to seek counsel from a wise person about our conflicts and problems. Seeking counsel may involve sharing the shameful things that someone else has done without that person being there. It is certainly not sinful gossip to truly seek out help. On the other hand, we can often mask our desire to gossip by claiming that we are just seeking counsel.

The key to sharing circumstances with people in a right way is to keep loving others even when we have to talk about them and even if they are our enemies. Simply put, we just need to apply Jesus’ Golden Rule to any difficult situation. If you have to talk about someone when they are not present, make sure that you are treating them as you would want to be treated (Matt. 7:12).