God Help Me, I’m GrievingНамуна

Grief Is a Process

I don’t know anyone who enjoys pain and suffering.

On the contrary, when pain arrives, we want it gone as quickly as possible. The same is true with grief. Unfortunately, it just doesn’t work that way. Healing from grief is a process. This can be a hard truth to accept.

People dealing with grief often ask, “How long does it last?” Simply put, it takes as long as it takes, and the timeframe is different for every individual. That may not be what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. There are some common stages you will move through as you heal, but they are not necessarily sequential. The grief process is a bit more complicated.

Have you ever broken a bone or had surgery? Aside from the initial pain, the healing process can be equally painful. My son broke his wrist while skating many years ago. That broken wrist required a trip to the emergency room, consults with doctors, referrals to an orthopedic specialist, a temporary cast, a permanent cast, x-rays, pain medication, and months of healing and rehab.

There were times when my son was in no pain at all and struggled to understand why he had to continue wearing the cast. At other times, he was in terrible pain, and the mere thought of moving his arm brought him to tears. No matter what, he had to go through the process in order for his bone to heal properly. Had we removed the cast prematurely, the likelihood of causing additional damage would have increased. Healing had to take place from the inside out.

In the grieving process, there will be times when you are in so much pain that it is hard to think about anything else. At other times, the pain will be less intense, and you’ll be able to go about your daily routine.

It is common for grief to take a year or longer. It takes a full year from the time of loss to cycle through all the holidays, birthdays, special events, and other important dates that will be experienced for the first time without your loved one. There is a time for everything, including a time to heal (Ecclesiastes 3:1).

Your healing from loss has to take place from the inside out. Without forgetting the past, you will eventually be able to move forward, minus the debilitating pain of your loss.