Making Marriage Meaningful Through Conflict Resolution Намуна

Welcome back for day five of our study. Today we will be talking about self-reflection. The questions below were given to me by a wise and godly woman who God consistently used to speak truth into my life. She gave me these questions one tearful afternoon and encouraged me to seek the Lord’s guidance. I have used them ever since. I hope they bless you as they have me.

Self-reflection:

The beauty of reflection time with Jesus can be done while you’re waiting for the right time to address an issue or after a conflict has already occurred. Self-examination will help you look for the lessons in the conflict. Honest reflection builds intimacy and is the pathway to a healthy relationship with Jesus, with our spouse, and with ourselves. Learning and growing is the goal of conflict resolution. God can show you why either of you have certain reactions or why neither is moving forward with an agreed upon goal, etc. God granting us understanding tends to help us express more compassion and find common ground with our loved one.

Here are the questions you can ask Jesus:

1) Lord, what is the deeper underlying issue in this conflict for both me and my spouse?

We let the Lord help us look beyond the surface reactions. Looking deeper can reveal emotional triggers brewing under the surface of the initial reaction. This could range from rejection to feeling unheard, disrespected, or unloved to feeling unappreciated or even the fear of abandonment. These are the very things the Great Physician wants to heal. Healing in these areas will change the whole landscape of your marriage. Psalm 147:3 reminds us Jesus heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

2) What’s my part in this conflict?

Honestly, conflict is never a one-way street. Whether big or small, we always have a role in the story. Ask Him to reveal your thoughts, actions, and reactions that contributed to the conflict. Be prepared as this can be humbling and uncomfortable. However, He is faithful to provide guidance and wisdom. Matthew 7:3–5 are famous verses about how specks and planks in our eyes always has the power to give a twinge of conviction. First we must take the plank out of our own eye, so we can see clearly the speck in the other person’s eye. We are blessed when God corrects us, if we don’t despise the discipline of the Almighty (Job 5:17).

3) Lord, what’s my heart towards the issue?

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my anxieties. And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23–24 NKJV). The Lord knows our hearts better than we do. We can place our hearts in His loving hands. He is faithful to answer this question. Ask yourself, “Do I care more about the quality of our relationship or more about winning an argument? Do I desire resolution and peace or does staying angry give me a false sense of power and control? Do I need an attitude adjustment?”

4) Lord, how does Your Word instruct on the issue?

The Word of God is living and active—it reads us more than we read it. His Word will never return void. Psalm 119:105 (NKJV) states, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” Sit down with the Bible, and ask Him to faithfully provide insight into His Word. He loves when we come to Him open and willing to be corrected.

5) What outcome would most glorify You, Lord?

God desires resolution and restoration for His children. The Lord provides so many great examples of restored relationships from Jacob to Esau (Genesis:25–33) to Joseph and his brothers (Genesis:37–50). How we get to resolution is a journey we take with Jesus. 2 Corinthians 13:11 (NIV) says, “Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.”

Pray:

Dear Lord, please provide wisdom and insight into the habits that build our marriage and to the habits that hurt our marriage. Please improve our communication so we may daily walk in Colossians 4:6 (NKJV) which states, “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.” Lead us on the righteous path that glorifies You. And finally, may we echo the heart of the psalmist in Psalm 19:14 (NKJV): “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.” Amen.

Final Word:

Thank you for spending time with me. I will leave you with this final thought. A flower garden is a picture of marriage—gardens take great diligence to cultivate and grow into something beautiful and magnificent. Both marriage and gardens are truly a labor of love. Only God can turn our struggles, trials, and conflicts into lessons and blessings. Allow the Father to transform your garden into a magnificent, meaningful marriage.