Pray, Play, and Stay TogetherНамуна

Play and Cleave

Many of you have heard these verses of scripture as they pertain to marriage and your union. You may have also heard the pastor or preacher talk about the “become one flesh” part of the scripture in verse 24. This is speaking of sexual intimacy between Adam and Eve. This is an important part of any healthy relationship, yet, there is a part of this scripture that is missed and just as important. The word “cleave” in this verse is the Hebrew word Dabaq, which literally means to catch by pursuit - To follow close, hard after, overtake, pursue, be joined together, take. Before there can be the “one flesh,” there is a chase, a pursuit.This is where play can be such a strong catalyst to your relationship and your intimacy.

The book Song of Solomon is God’s recipe for how a man and woman should desire each other and the power of “the chase.” Every time I read this book, I am reminded of how my wife and I played when we were first dating. We would wrestle in the hallway of the college dorms that we met in. It was that nervous and exciting energy between two people that were interested in each other, both physically and emotionally. Before we went on a date to the movies, I was excited and looking forward to the time we would spend. I was looking for ways to demonstrate to her that I was seriously interested in us being “joined together”, and I said things that I believed were romantic and intentional during the pursuit.This is part of our relationship that has remained over the past 29 years.

Do you still pursue each other? How do you keep your relationship exciting and show each other that you are still committed to the “chase?” Here are a few tips to rekindle or maintain that fire through play:

Be vocal. When you were dating, you said things that were intentional about what you wanted and the direction of your relationship. And guess what? You were successful! Don’t stop being vocal about the things that attracted you to each other. Tell your spouse when you desire them. Tell them you miss them and you’re thinking about them when you do. This can be a simple text message or video text. The same intentionality that was required to be “joined together” is needed to stay together- not just existing, enjoying each other!

Go on dates. Have a consistent day or time and frequency that you date each other. It’s important to not get stuck in attaching monetary amounts to this. Dating is not about how much you spend, it’s about the time you invest in each other. Get rid of the distractions, the kids, the cell phone or tablet, the work projects, and focus on each other like you did when you were dating. It was not about just going to expensive elaborate restaurants or on fancy trips, it was about being in each other’s personal space. Dating puts you back in that head space. Whether it’s a trip to the mall, a game of cards, or catching the $5 movie on Tuesday, find creative ways to be in each other’s presence and enjoy each other.

Affirm each other. What you say is just as, if not more, important than what you do. While you are on your dates and in each other’s presence, affirm one another. Tell each other what the experience together is doing for you, and be transparent and vulnerable with your emotions. This is different from the examples above about being vocal. That is mainly about when you are separated. This is about when you are together. Do this consistently to keep the fire in your union. In day 3 of our plan, we discuss play through intimacy.