Can We Talk? Biblical Counsel for All of LifeНамуна

In our churches and communities, heartbreak abounds. Yet many of those who are hurting won’t seek formal counseling but instead, share their struggles with a caring friend–someone who they hope will meet them in their pain with love and compassion. This is a ministry that we are all called to participate in. A godly friend with a caring heart, a listening ear, and a Bible in hand can profoundly help a friend in need.

To look at friendship in the Bible, we need to look no further than Christ himself, the standard of godly friendship: “No one has greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends” (Jn 15:13). Jesus made that sacrifice willingly and with great compassion. Christ’s sacrifice motivates us to respond with sacrificial love for others around us. Biblical friendship is only possible in Christ.

Loving people well comes from an overflow of your relationship with Christ. There are skills and tools you can practice to be more effective in caring for others, but before you can be a good friend to someone in need, you must be in an abiding relationship with Christ (Jn 15). The Holy Spirit—Christ in you—empowers you to love others as you have been loved. Unconditional love is rare in our world and is a distinct quality of a mature believer (Jn 13:34–35). Godly friends understand that love is not sappy sentimentalism but a robust concern for the other person's best interests.

Good friends lovingly represent the full gospel to their friends. Again, we can look to Christ as our model, both to represent the grace of God and as an example of the uncompromising nature of biblical truth (Jn 1:14). When Proverbs states that a friend loves at all times, it means that love is not circumstantial.

Connecting with compassion, assessing the risk and root issues, responding with truth and grace, and encouraging your hurting friends toward Christ and community can be life-giving to them and pivotal in helping them take healthy steps forward. Helping a hurting friend is a Christlike endeavor, but it is not always easy—or even appreciated. We don’t help our friends to gain favor with them or with God—we minister to them as a reflection of Christ’s love and compassion in response to the care he has shown us. Let’s be communities full of true Christian friendship known by our love (Jn 13:34–35).