Swipe Right: The Life and Death Power of Sex and Romance Намуна

Scars Mean Sex

One of the programs we watched during Shark Week— Island of the Mega Shark—really caught my attention. On screen were giant 14-foot white sharks that were pockmarked on their backs and sides by scars. The narrator claimed, “There are definitely sexually mature females here.” I wondered how on earth he knew this. Reading my mind, the narrator continued, “Their sides are a battleground of scars, and those scars mean sex. Males have to hold on somehow.” Consequently, females who are sexually mature have scars on their sides and gills. I paused the show. I was no longer thinking about the breeding habits of the scariest fish in the ocean. I pulled out my phone to write those three words: Scars mean sex.

I began to think about the people in my life with not physical but emotional scar tissue—some healed and healthy, others infected and ugly. Sex was always the common denominator: The friend whose marriage blew up after an affair. Scar. The mother who discovered her son’s sexting. Scar. The buddy who was given HIV by a girlfriend who knew she had it but didn’t want to suffer alone. Scar. The teen whose life was a living hell because of naked pictures she sent to one person but ended up spread all over school. Scar. The child who was molested by a family friend. Scar. And the pastor who was exposed to pornography in junior high and fought a secret, smoldering obsession with it for years making it difficult to honor women or himself. That’s my scar.

Contrary to what our culture preaches, sex is much more than a physical activity. Every time you have sex with someone, it changes you. When we engage in sex outside of God's plan, it can make us unable to enjoy it inside his plan. The more times you pull up a Post-it note and attempt to re-stick it, the less powerful the adhesive becomes. Like a frequently moved Post-it note, sexuality loses its stickiness over time. Sex is meant to glue two people together for a lifetime. Think of it this way: The more people you attach your Post-it note to, the less long-term power that sexual relationship will have. I’m not trying to make you feel bad about your past. Instead, I want to fight for your future. I pray that you would understand you have the power right now to prevent scar tissue down the road.

Remember: Sex is much more than a physical activity.