Patient Parenting: Overcoming Anger in Your HomeНамуна

Day 1: Thinking Beneath the Surface of Anger

I was so frustrated I wanted to scream. The kitchen sink was leaking again. Pretending to be a handyman, I had dutifully gathered a few tools and begun to tinker with the "never-leak" facet. After working on it for an hour, it was not leaking less but more. Frustrated, I angrily hit the spigot. What had been a small leak sprayed all over me! My frustration and anger had created a fountain.

I turned around to see four sets of saucer eyes watching me warily. My dear, sweet children had just watched their father have an adult temper tantrum. Repentant, I apologized to my children and said, "That is how the Lord disciplines your dad. Now, I have to pay a plumber a lot of money." The tension broke, and they all smiled. They thought it was funny that the Lord would discipline Dad!

Anger is a common issue in the home. In fact, anger is a common issue in the Bible. Yet, anger in the home can be a hidden sin. We rarely talk about it at church or in our small groups.

More concerning than frustration at a faucet is anger toward our children. Yelling and screaming can be daily realities for parents. You get upset, slam the cabinet, or throw your purse. Or anger can slowly simmer in your head for days. Then the shame and guilt set in. "These are my precious children. What am I thinking? What can I do?"

There is hope!

We'll start this devotional by thinking clearly about our own anger. Though we feel guilt and shame afterward, we can justify our anger. After all, we think, "I know that not all anger is sinful. Jesus was angry. I think my anger was righteous."

While not all anger is sinful, it is uniquely positioned to cause us to sin. Jesus' sinless anger was motivated by compassion and God's glory. My anger is rarely thoughtful and almost always motivated by my own comfort.

In James 4:1-2 God teaches us where this anger comes from. It comes from the desires that battle within us. No one can make me angry, meaning when I am experiencing anger, I need to look more deeply at the cause within my heart.

That's exactly why unraveling my anger and growing in patience can be so baffling. While certain sinful desires lead to anger, there can also be good desires that cause us to get upset. "My daughter should have obeyed me." "My son should have done his homework." Those desires for obedience and responsibility are good desires. As parents, God wants us to train our children to be obedient and self-controlled.

Dr. David Powlison said, "It's not the desire but the status of the desire." He means that, at that moment, I am placing the good desire for my child's obedience above my desire to please the Lord and control myself. Wanting my child to obey is not wrong. But it cannot be more important than my self-control.

As we start this five-day journey together, let's dig deeper to see the desires behind the upset.

Prayer:

Father, I confess that I have too often lost my temper with my precious children. I feel guilty and ashamed. But I believe in the power of Jesus to forgive and the power of the Spirit to change. Thank you for the insights from this study. Forgive the times I have justified my anger in the past. Help me think more deeply about the desires that are driving my anger and so become a more patient parent. I pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.