Don't Look BackНамуна

When Catherine moved out to attend college, I missed her terribly. Deep down, I was glad she was at college and loving it, but when I went to The University of Sydney, no one I knew ever moved away from home; we simply caught the train to school and back each day. As much as I wished that Catherine could have done the same, I couldn’t expect her college experience to be the same as mine.

I was adjusting, but there were times when I found myself looking back, longing for what was, and mourning what would never be again. I knew the juncture in life we were facing. I knew it was quite possible she’d never live at home again, at least not full time. I saw how we were at the end of one era and the beginning of a new one.

Of course, I didn’t want her to remain a child and live at home forever, and I did work on preparing myself her entire senior year of high school. But the pain was still real, and the transition was still hard.

It’s so easy for us to forget there’s a time for everything, that there are seasons to our lives, and to start camping in places where we are supposed to be passing through. From my experience, when this happens, we’re more than likely to find ourselves stuck. Perhaps that’s where you find yourself today, living in a state of mind instead of having passed through a season.

In grieving Catherine going off to school, I came to understand that acknowledging such endings and beginnings is a necessary step in moving forward. I liken it to what Joshua experienced after the death of Moses. Though the final chapter of Deuteronomy shows us that when Moses died, God buried him, and then God declared a time of mourning for Joshua and the children of Israel, on the very next page of the Bible, in the first two verses of the book of Joshua, God says to Joshua, “Moses my servant is dead. Now you and all the people prepare to cross over the Jordan to the land I am giving the Israelites.” I can’t help but ask: Why did God state the obvious to Joshua? Doesn’t Joshua know Moses is dead? Especially since God declared a season of mourning for Moses. And yet, God tells Joshua that Moses is dead and to prepare to cross over, signaling that one season had ended and a new season had started.

No doubt all our lives are filled with transitions, some that we anticipate and some that catch us by surprise, but in all of them are opportunities for us to look back and get stuck, or to look ahead and keep moving. Not every transition is hard, of course. Many of them are easier to move through than others, perhaps because they are things we’ve prayed for, dreamed of, or worked hard for that are big wins in our lives.

But for the transitions we did not pray for, did not hope for, did not desire to ever happen, there needs to be a season of mourning first. What’s more, it’s important to keep in mind that mourning is for when anything dies—a dream, a hope, a plan, a goal, a relationship, an expectation. It’s for when anything changes that we weren’t ready for it to change.

In all the transitions I’ve lived through, I’ve learned that just because something has died, God’s promises, plans, and purposes for my life have not. In fact, they are still very much alive. I know there are times when life upends us and we have to accept what we don’t want to accept, but I have found that if we can separate the circumstances we’re facing from God’s overall purpose for our lives, then we can have the hope we need to keep moving forward.