Partner BetrayalНамуна

Discovering that your spouse has acted out sexually and broken the marriage covenant produces deep sorrow, anguish, confusion, trauma, and shock that can invade your entire being. This discovery is a reality that is horror-stricken and confusion-ridden, distorting thoughts and trust. What was previously known to be true can seem unrecognizable.

God is love and safety, but experiencing shock upon betrayal discovery is a prevalent and valid response. The deceptive nature of sexual integrity issues alters and distorts what we knew to be true in our past, makes it unclear to decipher what is true in our present, and does not give us the foundation to perceive what could be true for our future. This shock results in our pursuing safety.

Partner Betrayal

Partner betrayal occurs within intimate relationships and is prompted by our significant other acting out sexually in some form or fashion once or repetitively, either mentally, emotionally, or physically.

Result

Partner betrayal results in a lasting emotional response that overwhelms one, either immediately or over a period of time.

Commonly:

Partners feel paralyzed by the pain and sense of isolation that throws them into bewilderment, wondering if anyone understands them.

If you have discovered your spouse's infidelity and sexual acting out, I want you to know that you are not alone. You did not cause this. You have shown great courage and strength in taking the first steps to lean into God's love and safety in this distressing situation.

When betrayal enters, panic takes over. This spiraling chaos of thoughts and questions catapults your body into a frenzy of safety-seeking and sense-making. Establishing safety is essential to healing from the destruction of sexual betrayal.

A refuge is the ultimate place of protection, a source of security, and a place to go to in times of difficulty and danger. God is the source of safety and shelter. In God's protection, you can discover a secure resting place that is safe for your wounded heart.

God's faithfulness is your shield of protection. He will cover and completely protect you; you will find refuge under His wings. He is a fortress that provides security and gives you strength to withstand. Stabilizing the shock of betrayal discovery within your marriage involves seeking God as the source of refuge and strength. He promises that He is a very present help in trouble. Jesus simultaneously creates a space for our pain of heartbreak to be authentic, while taking the brokenness felt and turning it into strength.

As a foundational step in this catastrophe, the presence of God is a haven for you as you begin to heal. Press into His shelter so He can speak life over you in this season of heartbreak.

Take a few moments to reflect on God's heart:

What does seeking safety and refuge in God look like to me right now?

In what ways have I found refuge and safety through resting in him in the past?