Resilient Marriage in a Changing World

Life changes. People change. And somehow, your marriage also must grow and change. And the Military lifestyle amplifies all this change ten-fold.

The back and forth of a Military relationship can be as dizzying as a Venus and Serena volley. Perhaps she came back from training more self-assured. Or maybe deployment stole all his patience. Sometimes he can pick up the kids after soccer, but not next week. She will lead the family devotions . . . when she’s home. And it will probably be another year of not being together on your anniversary because of rotation.

And amid all the changes, you’re expected to have a resilient marriage. But what does that look like? Resilient to what? The word “resilient” is often thrown around, but it’s hard to find its true meaning. The “way we were” seems as long gone as the song. How’s a person supposed to keep things together with every part changing? It’s like nailing Jell-o to the wall. And if the parents are feeling unsettled, how much more will the kids feel the same?

But at the heart of Paul’s message in Colossians is a blueprint for keeping relationships strong:

God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient.

Colossians 3:12 (CEV)

Change is inevitable, but how we handle change depends on our character. Paul challenges us to grow in godly character. One way we can do that is by paying attention to the areas in which the Lord is dealing with us. As you see your need to develop any of these virtues, ask the Lord to help you. Also, pray for your spouse to grow in the areas of struggle. When you keep your eyes on the Lord and keep growing spiritually, the changes you face can be managed in ways that work for the good of your marriage. The forge of the hard times—even spending much time apart—can make your union stronger.

And as you grow spiritually, you will also pick up practical tips to help you thrive in your marriage. Be considerate of the expectations you place on each other when you re-unite after a separation. Small steps matter! Pick a goal to work on while your spouse is gone—even if it is just attending church each week with your kids. Never play the game of who has it harder. Don’t resent the other person’s position, but look to enjoy the task you’ve been given. Find something fun too, such as taking the kids on an adventure whether at the zoo or a trip to visit Grandma. Remember who is the true enemy and don’t blame each other for the hard times. Encourage and thank each other for doing the hard tasks.

When you both grow in these godly virtues and in your journey towards being closer to God, your marriage will be resilient—no matter where you are physically located and the many detours the Military throws in the path of your relationship.

PRAY

God, some days I don’t know who I am nor what happened to the person I married. Still, you are constant and faithful. Grow us both in our relationship with each other and with you. Please protect our marriage and our family from the one who wants to destroy it. Amen.

TIME TO TALK

Conversation starter for kids: Provides you with questions and prompts to facilitate a time of applicable discussion with children to lead them towards knowing God and His Word more deeply.

Questions: What’s the hardest part about Mom/Dad being gone? What can we work on while they’re gone?

KEEP IT GOING

Related passages: These additional verses will help parents expand their Scriptural knowledge and place on the armor of God’s Word to tackle each day. Swipe to read the passages today.

Colossians 3:12

Philippians 2:2-4

Philippians 4:12-13