Day 5: “What am I not feeling?”

Today’s soul question is “What am I not feeling?” and our focus is on feeling feelings.

Consider today’s soul question for a moment. Is there anything inside you that you're holding in? Do you feel like there are any beach balls you are holding underwater? How do you experience your own feelings? Do you allow yourself to feel? Have you ever wondered how holding in feelings may affect us?

If you want to experience deep connection, intimacy, safety, and joy in your marriage, you must learn to be with and feel your feelings. Remember, feelings are different from desires or statements.

“I feel like leaving you” is not a feeling; that is a desire(probably a cry for love and attention more than anything).

“I feel like you are wrong” is not a feeling; that is a statement(we say it this way because we are afraid to be clear).

“I feel sadness” is the product of God’s incredible design in you so that you can experience the full range of the human and spiritual experience He has set before you.

Scripture clearly shows that Jesus regularly felt His feelings, and I believe he did so without shame or guilt. Jesus paints a beautiful picture of what emotional regulation and trust in the Father can look like. Jesus was able to feel His sadness, His grief, His anger, and His joy.

In John 15:10-11, Jesus felt joy.

In John 11:25, Jesus literally wept.

In John 2:13-17, Jesus was angry.

Luke 22:42, Jesus felt agony.

Matthew 9:20-22, Jesus was compassionate.

In Mark 14:34, Jesus cried out, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.”

One of the most common sources of anxiety and fear is not feeling a feeling. You know it’s there and coming, but you’re avoiding feeling it and bringing it to God.

All feelings come from the same place in us, so when we don’t allow ourselves to feel one feeling, it typically restricts all the others.

Example: When we’re working with couples who have had a difficult time in the “Bedroom life,” we typically ask them if they regularly allow themselves to feel their anger or sadness. The answer is almost always no. When they allow themselves to process their anger and sadness(in healthy ways), the “Bedroom life” suddenly returns to life and is generally better than ever. When we kink the hose of feeling any feeling, we kink the hose of feeling every feeling because they all come from the same faucet.

To truly be anxious about nothing is to feel what we’re feeling. God wants us to bring those feelings to Him, so He can partner with us to experience wholeness.

In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Action Item: Write down 1-2 feelings you have the most difficulty feeling. The five primary feelings are: Happy, sad, angry, sexual, and fearful. Share those with your spouse and make a request that would help support you in feeling those feelings more.