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A HUMBLE PLEASE

For the love of Emily Post, we need a revival of politeness, and it starts with please.

Demands come across as entitled. A simple please levels the playing field. It will get you further than your title, your rank, or your credentials. Authenticity trumps authority, like a royal flush.

The word please demonstrates a posture of humility, and no one did it better than Jesus. As Paul wrote in Philippians: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, existing in the form of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a servant” (Philippians 2:3-7).

Theologians call this kenosis, Christ’s emptying of Himself for others. And we are called to do the same. It’s all about adding value to others. You can learn the subtle art of persua­sion, and it may help you get what you want. But all too often, persuasion is abused for selfish purposes. It turns into a zero-sum game. There is a better way, the Jesus way. It’s giving your­self away. It’s looking out for the interests of others. The locus of focus is others.

Please is setting aside your preferences.

Please is relinquishing your rights.

Please is giving others the upper hand.

Please is putting the ball in someone else’s court.

Please is honoring others above yourself.

When you put a please in front of a request, it has a ripple effect. It’s called the law of reciprocity. When someone is nice to you, you have an innate urge to be nice in return. The psychology of please isn’t rocket science. It’s as simple as the Golden Rule: “Treat people the same way you want them to treat you” (Luke 6:31). And it starts with please.

Lord, I confess that I often think of myself before others. I want to be like Christ, emptying myself for the sake of love, and serving others as a way of pointing them to you. Amen.