God at the Centre of Your MarriageНамуна

DEALING WITH MATTERS IN CONFLICT

When there is conflict in marriage, you must recognize three things:

-The issue

-The person

-The relationship

When a conflict happens, solve it at the issue-level; don’t let it graduate to the person level or the relationship level. Don’t leave out the issue and attack the person. Always deal with conflicts at the issue-level; separate the person from the issue. Solve the issue without attacking the person. Each time you attack the person, it weakens and damages the relationship.

You wonder why your husband withdrew or why your wife is silent. You might have damaged your relationship by the use of words and the actions you have taken because of issues that could have been addressed, and you need to apologise to your spouse. When a marriage moves to a place of indifference where the wife doesn’t care whether the husband comes home or not, that is a bad case; indifference is a sign of major repairs. But when the wife picks a quarrel with her husband for hanging out late at night with another woman, that is a marriage that has hope. Don’t let your spouse be weightless to you; it is that weightlessness that makes you speak and treat your spouse anyhow.

As couples, never hide matters from yourselves. Always find out what the issue is. One of the major issues in a marriage is sex matters. Christians don’t find it easy to talk about sex because the devil has convinced them that discussing sex is ungodly. But we forget God, not the devil, created that sex. Why should unbelievers be talking more about sex than Christians? Start disciplining yourself to attack every problem at the issue-level and deal with it there.

PRAYER: Lord, I receive grace and wisdom to deal with every issue that may trigger conflict in my marriage.