Grace in the GrayНамуна

TELL ME MORE

Have you noticed—especially in these past few electric years—that if you force your view on someone else, they’re only more likely to dig in their heels or run for the hills? You’ve probably felt the same way sometimes. So what does it look like to forge ahead in a friendship or family relationship when it feels impossible to do anything but retreat?

In the book of Ephesians, Paul says that Christ “himself is our peace, who has made us both one and has broken down in his flesh the dividing wall of hostility” (2:14). That means we can have peace in the midst of misunderstanding. It means the body of God was broken so that our communities could be put back together. It means that the walls of hostility were torn down between parties who other­wise would never have gotten along.

We forget that even when our positions are clear, our intentions sound, and our argu­ments foolproof, if our postures are crooked, it won’t matter much in the end. We won’t be heard. “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” (1 Corinthians 13:1). We can make a great point, but if we don’t make it out of love for the other person, then it will often pierce and wound like a spear, not momentarily sting like a healing swab.

If Christ came to destroy the hostility between us, then that must mean there is a unity far deeper and more beautiful than anything we have settled for thus far.

With that in mind, I want to cultivate a “tell me more” posture. I may win fewer arguments, but I might just learn a thing or two about the other person—and about myself—if I talk a little less and listen a little more.

Though nuance is never easy, I believe it’s worth fighting for. And we might find we’ve stopped fighting one another when we fight for love in the gray places instead.

God, help me to see how to love others well, even in our disagreements. When can I talk less and listen more? How can I be more aware of my posture, not just my position? I pray with hands open to You. Amen.