Relational God, Relational Parenting: A Five Day DevotionalНамуна

Can you relate?

"Rules! Rules! Rules! Obey the rules! You know the rule! What’s the Rule? As I started my parenting journey, I wanted my children to follow the rules. Obedience was my most important goal. I was a very engaged mom. Our house was full of stories, puzzles, crafts, and outings. But I held tightly to my rules. Rewards and punishments were the results of listening and obeying—or not!

Then I adopted a child who had experienced a lot of trauma. She didn’t care about my rules, obedience, or working hard. All my strategies of punishment (“You are in BIG trouble” or “You are going to be in Time Out”) were no threat compared to the threats she had lived through. My wonderful rewards (the stickers and sweets) had no value compared to the impossibly deep needs she had. Behavior management was NOT working. Everything I had been taught as a teacher and parent failed to have any effect. No parenting books had any idea what my life had become. My entire world was in chaos.

Until—in the middle of a meltdown—a dear friend showed me a new approach. It was completely opposite of what I had been taught. It wasn’t about controlling children but rather understanding the brain." -Robin Bermel

It was about being able to speak to the language of the different brain states.

This was where I started learning about our brains and the signals they send. It was the birth of the Stoplight Approach. Learning to use the stoplight metaphor to understand the brain, how God designed us, and the science behind it, changed my life. I started to see how it revealed more about God the Creator of the brain and how He meets our needs in every brain state. As I grow in my relationship with God, I am learning to trust His unconditional love that keeps me safe in the palm of His hand (what my Red Brain needs). I am learning to believe that He loves me and delights in me as His beloved daughter (what my Yellow Brain needs). I am learning to give and receive forgiveness so I can grow in relationship with Him and others (what my Green Brain needs). -Robin Bermel

Stoplight has great insights, but it is the long, deep journey of receiving and practicing the presence of God Himself that empowers these ideas.

As you work toward creating a Green home, be keenly aware of God’s presence and love. May you know His calming presence in those overwhelming Red moments. May you experience His connecting presence in the stressful Yellow situations. And may you rejoice in His guiding presence as day by day you learn and grow in Green and take His love out into the world.

Your challenge is to notice what color your brain is and take that to God. Then, notice what state your child’s brain is in and ask God to help you respond to them in the same way that He has responded to you.

Learn more about The Stoplight Approach at www.thestoplightapproach.org.