Identity Conquers LustНамуна

Isolation → Authentic Relationships and Accountability

The third root of a sex or porn addiction is isolation. The solution is developing authentic relationships and accountability. Paul commands, “speak the truth… we are members of one another” (Eph. 4:25).

Addiction expert, Johann Hari, tells us, “The opposite of addiction isn’t sobriety, it's connection.” This is especially true for someone with a sex or porn addiction which is classified as an intimacy disorder. Those who are less connected in healthy relationships are more susceptible to the fake intimacy of porn or a sexual hook-up. The relational draw of porn is critical to understand. It is a place the porn user can go to always feel wanted, connected, and significant. Porn never rejects them. The shame leads the porn user to isolate themselves from their real relationships, which creates loneliness that the fake intimacy of porn can temporarily satisfy.

Isolation keeps people stuck in their old life and sin. Living our new life in Christ and walking in freedom from sexual sin happens in community. As we saw yesterday in 2 Timothy 2:22, community is key to fleeing youthful lust,

“So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.”

The power of community is why the most effective addiction recovery programs integrate small groups as a key component of their treatment. Small groups are so effective because they foster vulnerability, relational connection, and accountability. Each of these elements is critical to leaving isolation and walking in freedom. Sin tends to move us towards isolation.

After Adam and Eve sinned, they hid from God and one another by covering themselves. Sin causes us to cover up from one another, and not just physically but also emotionally. We hide our true selves. Isolation is extremely dangerous, and why the Bible warns against it.

“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment” (Proverbs 18:1). This is a nice way of saying isolating ourselves is dumb. The Bible tells us that our enemy “prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). And we all know what the lion does to the gazelle that is isolated from the rest of the herd. It’s not pretty.

Paul emphasizes the need for honesty and vulnerability, “Lay aside falsehood, speak the truth" (Eph. 4:25). The shame of sexual sin leads many believers to deny, minimize and rationalize their sin. A commitment to speaking the truth is essential to find freedom. People who struggle with sexual sin and addiction must break from their isolation and come into community by confessing their sins to others. James 5:16 says, “Therefore confess your sin to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.” Being honest about our sins is where healing begins. Without community, this kind of authenticity isn’t possible.

The shame and sense of worthlessness that comes with sexual sin are best dealt with in a welcoming community where we can be ourselves. When we are only conditionally known, we can only be conditionally loved. We often can’t experience God’s love and acceptance until we have experienced love and acceptance from other people. Pornography and sexual sin isolate us from true intimacy, but a connection with God and others increases our capacity to experience intimacy. Leaving isolation for community is where deep connections can be found.

Even though we have a deep need for community, we shouldn’t enter it with a consumer mentality. Paul says, “We are members of one another” (Eph.4:25). Like members of the human body that take care of one another, believers should be committed to each other. Isolation keeps a person stuck in their old life, but having authentic relationships with a community of other believers is essential for breaking free from the old life of sexual sin.

We were made for intimacy with God and others, so we won’t experience the fullness of our identity in Christ and the freedom God has for us when that is missing. To outgrow porn, a person must deepen their relationships with God and others.

Practices to deepen connections to others:

• Confess your sin to a trusted friend or mentor.
• Join a community you can engage with in an ongoing way.
• Be authentic and committed to encouraging those in your group or community.