Can You See Me, Now?Намуна

Leaving Your Wallflower Ways Behind

Call me a wallflower. A natural observer. Never the girl center-stage with all eyes on her. Not a chance. Glued to the railing, desk, or whatever fixture was available to keep me from the majority—that’s where you would find me in my childhood when everything was as it should be.

Naturally, you can imagine a wallflower’s response when trouble erupts, and life gets messy. Wallflowers retract. Already timid, I found more ways to blend into my surroundings. Developmentally, during the stages, a girl typically learns security when she should be a delight, wanted, and seen, insecurity ran amuck within me. I figured I was a problem better left in the shadows.

God seemed to agree with my limited understanding. Oh, I was a card-carrying believer in Jesus. But He was watching over me like a chaperone at the prom. Somehow, I latched onto believing God loved me and cared for me from afar, like the song “Jesus Loves the Little Children.”

Yes. God loved me along with all the other children of the world, as a member of humanity, but not specifically. He didn’t love me as a person, with quirky favorites like tater tots and cinnamon candy. It’s as if He invited all the girls and me in my class to the prom. The God of the universe wanted me to be there for the big event but didn’t care about my dress or if anyone ever asked me to dance. I could fade into the themed decorations unnoticed.

Maybe you can relate. Could it be you feel as if no one knows you? Is there a pervading sense people are not really with you? Well, Sister, you are in good company. Many of us feel alone, as if most of our relationships are meaningless. Add some misguided theological underpinnings and all the insecurities through adolescence, and you’ve got the makings of a bona fide wallflower. The good news is that even though you feel like a wallflower, you do not need to remain one.

Begin with this prayer.

God, help me understand why I feel so alone and isolated. Help me trust You will be faithful to strengthen and hold me until I no longer feel invisible.