What Should I Be Looking For in a Potential Spouse?

By Linda Nuñez

“Can two walk together, unless they are agreed?”—Amos 3:3(NKJV)

Spiritual Connection: The Three-Legged Race

Remember the three-legged race at field day or summer camp? The objective of the relay race is to cross the finish line first with your ankles or knees bound to another teammate. The couple whose legs are bound (yoked) together can’t get to the finish line fast unless they’re in sync. Similarly, dating someone you’re not spiritually matched with is much like running the three-legged race: You can’t go far if you’re not running in one accord.

Dating is complicated, but it can be more difficult when a believer decides to date a nonbeliever. Who you date really matters to God. As the mastermind of marriage and relationships, the Lord has something very clear to say about this topic in 2 Corinthians 6:14–16 (NKJV): “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?”

In this passage, Paul speaks about marriage using language that would have caused the original audience to think of animals and farming. Where do you see that? Well, he used the term “yoke,” which is a wooden beam used between a pair of oxen or other animals to enable them to pull a load together. Therefore, Paul was painting a word picture of two animals being placed under a yoke together and becoming one on the plowing field.

Clayton King explains that “just as it’s impossible for two animals yoked together to go in two different directions, it’s impossible for a Christian and a non-Christian, heading in two different directions, to be yoked in marriage and not suffer greatly.” God is not holding out on you or trying to control your dating options; He simply wants to shield and protect you from the conflict and sorrow that will result from dating (and ultimately marrying) someone who is not a Christian. By dating a nonbeliever, you make Jesus their rival instead of their Redeemer and friend, which will ultimately lead to anger and resentment.

Attraction: It does matter!

Your physical attraction to someone is critical because it’s what draws you to that person in the first place. God created attraction for a purpose. Many times in the Bible, we see that outward beauty is explicitly noted (Sara in Genesis 12:11; Rachel in Genesis 29:17; Joseph in Genesis 39:6; David in 1 Samuel 16:12), but God carefully reminds us to be careful with just looking at the outward appearance, too (1 Samuel 16:7). Remember what Proverbs 31:30 (NKJV) says: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”

You wouldn’t buy a car based solely on the external body and design of the car without considering the engine, just like you wouldn’t buy a house solely on its curb appeal without inspecting first its pipes and structure inside. Both the outside and the inside matter. As believers, we have to be careful to not go to extremes when it comes to physical attraction because if we focus on just the physical, then we’ll discover that gorgeous person is very ugly on the inside. Conversely, we can’t date someone just because they’re a “good person.” God has made beautiful things in creation, and He wants us to delight in His creation, but when it comes to dating, mutual faith and a relationship with Jesus should be the most attractive trait.