Growing Your Marriage While a Spouse Is Away: 6 Ways to Protect Your MarriageНамуна

Protect Your Mind

My husband is gone more than he is home. In the last three years of our marriage, he’s been gone about 40% of the time. I’ve noticed that each deployment or work trip he takes gets easier, and I find myself a little more indifferent to his absence.

I find myself battling feelings of how much better it is to manage our house and kids without him here. I find myself growing in resentment toward all the “freedom” he has to go and do, try new restaurants, see new places, and have adult conversations.

I reached out to a friend about how much I was struggling with these feelings and she said, “I don’t think your life is better, maybe easier…” And she is right, there is nothing better about him being away, but there are aspects that feel easier because the ball is always in my court. I get to make all the decisions. I get to be in control.

Ah, control… At the end of the conversation, I realized I was framing it all wrong and I was letting emotions and perspective rob me from opportunities to invest in my marriage, protect my marriage, and honor my husband in his absence.

When your spouse is away, are you battling with any of these same feelings? Do you find yourself drowning your sorrows in hopelessly romantic movies only to feel a little more empty when they end? Are you numbing your frustration with nights out on the town or with other friendships? Is there a certain substance that makes their absence a little easier to bear? How are you coping? What are you feeding your mind? Are you protecting your marriage?

I’d challenge you to look at the thought process you have developed around your spouse being gone. Have selfishness and pride crept in the way they have for me? Are you still looking for ways to connect with your spouse or are you sliding into disconnect because of the physical distance? If any of these ring true for you, don’t let these thoughts run the show, but instead “take them captive.” Reframe your spouse’s absence. Focus your mind on what is good, right and true as Paul encourages in Philippians. Use this as a time to grow our marriages, even when the odds are stacked against us.

Today’s challenge:

Pay close attention to your thoughts the next time your spouse is away. Pray and ask God to help you take your thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. When you notice sinful or unhelpful thoughts creeping in, call them out for what they are and ask God to help you replace them with holy, heavenly things.

Prayer:

Dear Lord, it is so easy to let our minds wander to what we think could or should be. It’s easy to focus on what we feel like our spouse is lacking as we fall victim to the world’s attempt to distract us from you and from our marriage. We pray that we would use wisdom as we choose what we allow to enter and linger in our minds. Help us to take captive thoughts that aren’t from you! We trust you with our marriage even when we walk through time spent apart!