Living Changed: In MarriageНамуна

Loving Well

Every couple is unique, but when we examine strong marriages, we’re able to spot similarities. Typically, both the husband and wife are patient, kind, and thoughtful. They build one another up. They listen actively and speak with transparency. They’re quick to forgive. They choose to see the good in one another and act as a team. In short, they love one another well.

If you can’t check all these boxes, don’t be discouraged. Likewise, if you can check all these boxes, don’t get ahead of yourself. The keys to a strong marriage can’t be boiled down to a simple checklist. Following a list of dos and don’ts will only get you the appearance of a strong marriage, not the real deal.

The truth is that if you try to love your husband in your own strength, you’ll constantly fall short. Similarly, if you’re always looking to your husband to fill the void in you, he will constantly let you down. Your love for each other has to come from the overflow of your individual relationships with God.

When we live in step with the Holy Spirit, people will begin to recognize us by what the Apostle Paul calls the “Fruit of the Spirit,” one of which is love. In simple terms, as you grow closer to Jesus, you will become more like Him, and then because Jesus is the embodiment of love, you will naturally become better at loving like Jesus.

For example, when you look to Jesus for validation instead of your husband, you have fewer unmet expectations in your marriage. When you allow God to heal your wounds and ask Him to help you forgive everyday offenses, you can live in peace with your husband. When you recognize you have an enemy who wants your relationship to fail, you can stop fighting against your husband and start fighting for your marriage.

No marriage is perfect because every marriage is made up of two imperfect people. It’s a daily choice to stay connected to Jesus, who is the source of love, and follow His example in how you love your husband. You’ll know you’re on the right path when you begin to exemplify the kind of love Paul describes in his first letter to the Corinthians. Among other things, he explains God-honoring love as being patient, kind, humble, forgiving, protective, trusting, hopeful, and persevering.

Fighting for your marriage works best when husband and wife lock arms and fight as one. However, the hard truth is that even if you do everything you can to love your husband well, there’s no guarantee he will respond with love. Choose to love him well anyway and let the experience bring you closer to God. Even if you don’t get the results you want for your marriage, the time you spend with God is never wasted.

Loving your spouse well means doing your best to live as an extension of Christ in your everyday life, without the expectation of getting anything in return. As you firmly place your identity in Christ and become the best version of yourself, hopefully, your husband sees the change in you and is inspired to draw closer to Jesus himself. You can’t force your husband to change, but your example may be the necessary catalyst that sparks the transformation of your marriage.

We pray God used this plan to minister to your heart.
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