Friendship—It's ComplicatedНамуна

Day 1

As a mother, I am keenly aware that I am a primary sculptor of my children’s patterns of thinking, attachment, connection, ability to nurture, and so much more. The mother wound, or woman wound, is something we need to look at to help us get to a place where we can make greater authentic connections in our friendships and relationships.

Maybe you have a great relationship with your mother and have always been able to connect with other women easily— this is a gift to be shared—but I also recognize that it doesn’t mean you haven’t experienced a wound or wounds from other women in your life. On the other hand, you may walk in brokenness with your mother and have a legitimate need to have firm boundaries in place with her relationally. Our mothers greatly shape our world, as do the women we encounter throughout our lives. Remember, our relationships inform us and form us.

One of my greatest fears is that I’ll be inadequate in a relationship. That I’ll never be enough and therefore will be emotionally cut off from those I love without knowing why or what I have done, without the option to be let back in to heal and restore things. This loss of perceived control keeps me from being vulnerable and connecting. It keeps me choosing isolation because it seems like the safer option. When reflecting on my relationship with my own mother, I realized that my relationship with her from a young age formed well-worn belief systems in me; that I wasn’t enough, needed to carry her burdens, and would continually disappoint.

I had to recognize my woman-wound; how the unhealthy relationship with my mother during childhood led to toxic patterns in friendships in my adult life. When I put all the pieces together, everything from my upbringing finally made sense. My unforgiveness toward my mom slowly tortured me like it did the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18:21–35. I wanted forgiveness from the King for my own sin but refused to give it to those who had hurt me. The bitterness was breaking me down.

While preparing to give birth to my own child, I asked my mother for her forgiveness for my hypocrisy and pharisaical ways. And without hesitation, she let me into her heart, and I let her back into mine. Decades of belief systems that crippled me in relationships with women hit the floor and were swept away in the tender love of Jesus when I sought reconciliation with my mom and she took ownership for the past and we made amends in our own relationship. There is purpose in why we visit some places in our past, not to pitch a tent and live there but to bring Jesus, the Healer, in with us so that we may be made whole and move forward. A new layer of healing was emerging for me to now steward and walk in.

Reflection Points

• Do you remember your first woman wound? How has that affected you in friendship today?

• What lies have you believed because of that wound? Take a moment in silence and invite the Holy Spirit in to speak to you. Ask what God wants to replace that lie with to heal the wound. In your own words, speak the truth out loud to receive love and healing.