Your Marriage God's WayНамуна

Let’s understand a key distinction: For God to say, “I will help you” is different than Him saying, “I will do everything.” The Holy Spirit helps us, but we need to remember that He does not do it all for us. We still have responsibilities. The Holy Spirit is not going to supernaturally take control of a marriage when the individuals involved are not committed to putting forth the necessary effort to do what God has called them to do.

The apostle Paul reveals this fact in Ephesians 2:10: “We are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” God prepared good works for us, but we must “walk in them.” We do not want to miss out on what God desires to do in our marriages because we are being lazy or selfish. Consider the responsibilities placed on our shoulders elsewhere in the New Testament: 

• “Let us walk properly...Put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts” (Romans 13:13-14). 
• “Put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bear] with one another, and [forgive] one another...Put on love, which is the bond of perfection” (Colossians 3:12-14).

Note the calling we are given: walk, put on, make no provision for, bear with, and forgive. What does this look like in practical terms? How does the Holy Spirit’s help work in conjunction with our free will? Here are some examples.

Husband, you plop down on the sofa next to your wife without showing any affection for her, but perhaps the Holy Spirit has been compelling you to be more affectionate. So, the next time you sit next to your wife, put your arm around her. 

Maybe the Holy Spirit has also been leading you to be a better listener. Instead of simply hearing your wife speak, pay attention to her and verbally affirm what she says. You may find it helpful to respond by paraphrasing her words back to her and validating her sentiments. If your wife is not used to you doing this, she will notice and appreciate the extra effort.

Wife, you are riding in the car with, your husband you notice the light indicating “low fuel” comes on. You may find yourself repeatedly “reminding” him the car needs fuel until he pulls into a gas station. Though he does not like this, you think it beats running out of gas. Lately, however, you’ve sensed the Holy Spirit leading you to trust your husband, so this time you simply mention it once, and trust your husband to follow through without any further reminders. This may pleasantly surprise him. He might even say, “Thank you for not repeatedly telling me to pull over.” 

In each case, the spouse would do well to express his or her appreciation for the changed behavior. These are only simple examples of how we might sense the Holy Spirit at work within us. Ultimately, we want to be submissive and receptive to the Spirit’s guidance.