Great VersesНамуна

Marriage is God’s idea

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make a helper fit for him.”

Marriage is God’s idea, God’s creation, and God’s gift to man. The foundational passage about marriage in the Bible appears in Genesis 2:18–25. Adam is in a kind of paradise unlike any we can imagine. He has God above him and the animals below him. But he has no one alongside him, nobody to share his life with. God says this is not good. We immediately see the goodness of God in his response. God says that he will provide what Adam needs. He will provide a helper. The Hebrew term “helper” carries no notion of inferiority. The term refers to someone who has resources and capacities that we lack. In fact, the term is used of God himself, who is the Great Helper of Israel.

God is telling us that women have capacities and gifts that men lack, implying that men have capacities and gifts that women lack. Here is God’s ideal partnership in marriage: a man and woman, gloriously different, helping each other be all they can be for God. As Allen P. Ross once pointed out in the theological magazine Kindred Spirit, marriage was not given to accumulate possessions but to develop persons.

Two equals, two life partners, each supporting the other and working for God. Perhaps pair figure skating demonstrates this idea best. The man and the woman are equal partners but serve different roles. One is strong and the other is graceful. One lifts and the other jumps. Each member of the partnership is essential. When they work together, something beautiful happens. This is God’s ideal for every marriage.

This is the essence of biblical marriage: leave, cleave, and become one flesh. First, leave. If a couple does not adequately separate themselves from their parents, then the marriage is torpedoed from the start. Honor your parents, love your parents, but look to each other for primary support and direction. You are a new family; live like it. Beware of undue dependence on your parents.

Second, cleave. The idea behind this term is permanence. God’s ideal is marriage for life, “till death do us part.” At the beginning of your marriage, decide that divorce is not an option. If marriage is to be permanent, if you know that you are sticking together no matter what happens, it will make all the difference in how you tackle problems as a couple.

Third, become one flesh. One flesh means oneness at every level: emotionally, spiritually, socially, intellectually, and physically. The concept behind the phrase “one flesh” is intimacy, a sense of closeness. You are soul mates, lovers, and best friends. You live life together. You pursue a shared life. You are alert to any signs of creeping separation. And over time, despite many challenges and hardships, you become close, so close that you can scarcely believe it. This is God’s dream for every marriage: a one-flesh marriage. This is the beauty and glory of marriage as God intended it. Make God’s dream yours and pursue it with all your heart.