Practical Words for Encouraging Your DaughterНамуна

Day Four

“I love being with you.”

Scripture: Matthew 19:14; Proverbs 20:5; James 1:19

A lot of parenting is about doing—getting the kids dressed, taking them to sports practices and games, going to doctor and dentist appointments, taking music lessons—doing, doing, doing. And it’s all for the kids, isn’t it? You’re laying down your life for them—something they may not even appreciate until they have their own children! 

It’s easy for us parents to fall into the rut of thinking that all the doing is enough. That our constant motion on behalf of our daughter says, love. After all, we’re exhausted at the end of the day, aren’t we? 

But our daughters need to know that relationship is more important than activity and accomplishment. They need to know we love them because of who they are, not because of what they do.

One of the best ways to be present with your daughter without an agenda is simply to listen to her. Your daughter’s soul longs to be heard. She needs a ready ear—someone who will listen to her ramble through her thoughts and emotions. Such conversations can sometimes seem like a huge, disconnected jumble of snippets from her week. Parents with certain personality types might even think these chats are unproductive and lacking in value. But they’re not insignificant. It’s not so much what your daughter is saying that is important to her but the experience of sharing her thoughts and feelings. 

She needs to be listened to. She needs to be heard and understood. It’s going to take time—a lot of time. Even before she knows it herself, t-i-m-e is how your daughter spells love. 

Let her know you love listening to her talk and share her ideas, hurts, concerns, and joys. When you take the time (even when you need toothpicks to keep your eyes open at 11:30 p.m. while she talks on and on!), you’re communicating that you’re “all in.” When she knows you love taking the time with her, you’re setting the stage for the moment when she will share the secrets of her heart and desire your counsel. You welcomed her presence with you and in doing so invited her to share a deeper relationship.

God, what a gift it is to be able to listen to [name]. Help me communicate to her how valuable her voice, her thoughts, and her feelings are. Help me to be present with her when she needs me. Amen.