FamilyНамуна

Career and Children

What do you do when your children start to rebel? James Dobson, Christian author and psychologist, says that cultivating good discipline takes time. When we have no time to give to our children, we don’t observe them closely enough to become aware of their needs. Often, our excuse is that we ‘just don’t have the energy to deal with them today.' Later, when things get out of hand, we tend to lash out in anger without examining the problem and understanding the kind of discipline the child needs.

There was a time when my boys totally rebelled against God and family. Our family prayers were perfunctory and one of my sons had long since stopped believing in God. In anger, I would lash out at our younger boy, who was easier to deal with of the two. One day, he shot back and said that we were not listening to them. I fought the impulse to yell back and ‘straighten’ out my son. The most successful parents are those who have the skill to see through the eyes of the child, seeing what he sees, thinks, and feels. When I finally came to grips with this, it helped me see my sons through their lenses.

The feeling of being valued comes from being loved. This conviction must be gained in childhood. When a child knows that he or she is valued, disciplining will become meaningful. This is the discipline with which God corrects those He loves. (Heb 12:6)

Angering your children could arise from not listening to them in order to understand them which may lead to not disciplining them in love. When we listen, we understand our children better. They would feel valued and loved – this is the cornerstone of discipline. We need to decide on spending quality time with them even though this means cutting back on our hours at work. Prioritizing quality time with our kids is not too big a price to pay for what may come later.

Lord, give me the eyes to see where I have failed to value my child by not listening to the inner cry of his/her heart. Instill in me the humility to acknowledge my faults and to start afresh. Amen.