The Heart Attitudes: Part 5Намуна

Clear Up Relationships

Ephesians 4:31-32, “All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ.”

How do we clear up relationships if we are the one who has broken the relationship by our offenses? How do we make it right?

First, the parties affected by your sin are the parties that need to be a part of your confession. Bullock says it this way, “The circle in which you committed an offense should be the same circle in which you confess (admit) your sin and ask forgiveness.” If your sin is just before God, then so should your confession be between you and Him. If you have offended someone, go to them, and tell them what you did wrong and ask them to forgive you after you have asked the Lord to forgive you. If you have committed the sin in front of a group, then if possible, gather the group and confess your sin after talking with God about it. If you cannot gather the group, do your best to go to each individual.

Again, Harold Bullock offers the following wise suggestions for how to initiate this process.

Do it in person and privately unless it is a group issue. Do not text or write out your confession. Unfortunately, there are vengeful people who could use that to harm you again!

Do not blame them in your confession. Remember that you are dealing with your sin, not theirs. Let the Lord deal with them if they were also at fault. Do not try to justify your sin either by implying that you were responding to something they did or your actions were tied to other circumstances.

Make restitution where needed. If you damaged them, make it right. If that includes monetary damages, then pay them! We need to do what is right by people not to try to use asking forgiveness to avoid making restitution. 

If they forgive you, thank them. If not, ask why and listen to their reason. If you have hurt them in other ways you may have more things to ask them to forgive you for than you realized. Remember that not everyone will be willing to forgive, so as much as possible with you, live at peace with them. They may not be willing to live at peace with you!

If you are not sure if there is something wrong, ask them! Do not avoid the awkward conversation. Life is a series of awkward conversations. Embrace them and move forward. If you discover there is something wrong, following the guidelines from this week. If not, rejoice that the relationship is still in good standing. Thank them for hearing you out and let them know how much you value them!