Conflict as a CatalystНамуна

Hopefully, you have gained some helpful insight over these last ten days. But the truth is, sometimes marriage can feel like we are stuck. Stuck in a rut of silence, isolation or just being cordial roommates. In fact, I don’t think marriages are ever stuck but are constantly moving toward something. Your marriage has momentum. The momentum of your marriage is either building toward deeper intimacy or separating you through time, silence, and unresolved conflicts. 

The seasons of building deeper intimacy can be exciting as you discover new things about each other. Or they can feel encouraging as you work together to overcome a difficulty. 

By contrast, the seasons of drifting apart are heartbreaking. There is tension, unspoken frustrations, and it may be difficult even being in the same room. While conflict and difficulty are normal in marriage, they can destroy your relationship if you let that momentum build for too long. 

Thankfully, there is always something you can do to change the momentum in your marriage. If you and your spouse have been drifting apart because of busyness, stress, or hard feelings, you have the power to reverse that dynamic. Do not let another day go by, or another conflict arise, before you take charge of directing the momentum of your marriage.  Remember this, marriage is a beautiful gift from God. We get to fully experience that gift when we choose to let conflict be a catalyst for intimacy and growth in our marriage, instead of a catastrophe that destroys it! 

CONTEMPLATING CONFLICT: 

What is the momentum of your marriage at this very moment? Is the rhythm of your marriage building towards deeper intimacy or separating you through time, silence, and unresolved conflicts? Do you feel better equipped now to address conflict in your marriage? Do you feel confident that you can sustain a momentum that is ever moving towards growth and intimacy?

CONFLICT AS CATALYST: 

On our last day together, I leave you with one final tool: WHEN YOU'RE SPENT, IMPLEMENT! Conflict happens. It may happen even today. It is my hope that you are able to quickly recall one of the action steps discussed in this plan when you are in the thick of conflict. Action steps are useless if they are never actually taken. It is best to incorporate new steps into your routine before you actually need them. However, it is inevitable that there will be days where you are tired and worn down. Those days make it hard to remember the steps you have learned so that you can be in conflict well. That is when you must remember WHEN YOU'RE SPENT, IMPLEMENT!

FINAL THOUGHTS:

All marriages will experience conflict. Most marriages can handle conflict well and be "good" marriages, but marriages that thrive are those that can take control of conflict and turn it into a catalyst for growth and intimacy. Building an intimate marriage requires you to be intentional. These valuable suggestions over these past ten days can help your marriage thrive even in the midst of conflict. It is my prayer that you will do the work necessary to build the marriage you have always desired. Will you take a step towards intimacy today? Explore other resources on marriage, intimacy, and sexuality from Dr. Juli Slattery at Authentic Intimacy.