UNCOMMEN: What Women WantНамуна

"The CalenDare"

My husband, Devin, and I have been married for 21 years. We have 3 boys, ages 18, 16, and 13. Yeah - you so don’t want to know what our grocery bills look like!

Needless to say, Devin and I stay pretty busy. Between our jobs, carpool, crazy amounts of sports practices and games, and just life in general, weekdays have us emailing each other more than we talk in person. Sound familiar, anyone???

That’s why a few years ago, we started slipping out on weekends for coffee dates.

We don’t have a set day or time for this – we just go with the flow of the weekend and head to our favorite coffee spot together whenever we can. Because we don’t live near family, this wouldn’t have been possible for us when our boys were little, but it’s been great during their tween and teen years.

We use that little ‘found time’ to catch up on what’s coming up on everyone’s calendars, to fill each other in on what’s happening in our jobs, and even to brainstorm about how we should handle whatever parenting challenge is on our plates at that moment.

Some weeks, the topics are heavier than others, but we’re careful not to make it too serious so we’ll want to keep up with these dates. Can you imagine if we used our time to try to iron out wrinkles in our marriage?? I mean, everyone at the tables around us would either be seriously repelled or seriously entertained… but we’d never keep going week after week, latte or no!

We still try to have ‘real’ dates every few weeks, but the flexibility and no-pressure nature of our coffee dates (no reservations, no ironing outfits and dressing up) make it easy to fit them in regularly. Just getting out of the house together at least once each weekend is super relaxing and it ensures that we’ll take time to communicate and get caught up on what’s in store for the week ahead – and most importantly, simply remember how much we enjoy each other’s company.

So guys, I just want to encourage you to find a low-maintenance way to grab time with your wife every week. Make it happen so you can catch up, get on the same page about life, and remind each other how much you love spending time together!

Written by UNCOMMEN Contributor, Deb Mitchell