Joy, Church, and the Neglected Face of God - An 11-Day PlanНамуна

Joy Leaks

Churches and families often have reasons why their joy is low. We call these “joy leaks,” and we must find where joy is leaking and plug the holes. One cause of draining joy is a lack of development around the six big emotions (sadness, anger, fear, shame, disgust, and despair). Creating a path from the big emotions to joy allows our brain to regulate the emotions instead of getting stuck in them. Regulation means that we stay relationally connected and continue to be the person God created us to be when we suffer. Reading Psalm 77, we discover the Psalmist remembering the goodness of God as a pathway to return to joy.

This concept of creating paths to joy might be new to you, so I will explain. When I experience a big distressing emotion that has not been connected to joy, my personality will change, and I will tend to isolate. These undeveloped emotional paths cause joy levels to drop because I get stuck and isolated in the unpleasant emotion. When I am stuck, I lose my true identity and start acting like a different person. We all have experienced this breakdown of our identity and have seen it in others. I once had a boss who liked me and treated me well. When he became angry, however, he acted like a crazy person. He was cruel, abrupt, and distant. He stopped acting like himself.

One of the joy-building exercises is designed to build a path from all of the difficult emotions to joy. This pathway allows me to suffer and remain joyful. Not happy, but joyful. My people and my God pull me through because they are glad to be with me in my suffering.

Building resilience in difficult emotions is like buying a new cabin on a lake that has no path down to the dock. The first few trips to the dock take time and effort with a shovel and a machete. Following the path gets easier until, after a hundred trips, you have a well-worn path between the cabin and the dock. My wife and I are currently training to connect the big six emotions to joy. In the training we start treading the path between difficult emotions and joy. Repetition is needed to build the path, but the results are visceral. My wife and I can feel that our inner emotional structure is changing. We are able to remain joyful in distressing emotions that would have previously left us feeling isolated.

Since starting this training, I often have encounters with strong emotions that I can now regulate. I recently went fishing with friends on the Eagle River outside of Vail, Colorado. The Eagle River is known for its difficult wading. It is full of large boulders that one fly shop owner called “snot covered bowling balls.” I could attest to the accuracy of his vivid description when I snagged my fly on a log in the middle of the river. I needed to wade across to unhook my fly, so I took my time and carefully placed each step. I was able to retrieve my flies. 

As I made my way back, I took a step and slipped on one bowling ball and then another until I lost my footing completely and went under. I smashed my knee on a boulder and almost filled my waders with freezing water. As I awkwardly dog paddled and then picked myself up, I felt the adrenaline surging through my body and the familiar emotional wave coming. I had done this before. Then my training kicked in. I took a few deep breaths, quieted myself, and started talking to Jesus. Within a minute, I was able to laugh about it. Two years previous, before my training, I would have sunk into a stew of anger and shame that would have lasted twenty minutes. Here I was, back on my feet and laughing in a minute! No joy leaked that day. 

REFLECTION QUESTIONS:

1. Think of the big 6 emotions listed here (sadness, anger, fear, disgust, despair and shame). In which of these are you most likely to isolate?

2. Think of a memory involving the emotion you listed in question 1. Ask Jesus to help you see that experience through His eyes.