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We Don’t Have to Live with Secrets—Hiding with Tech [by Amy]
The way to healthy privacy is not through anonymity. Instead, it’s based on trust.
As I write, I’m sitting in my bedroom with the door closed. Nobody else is in the house. My parents are both at work, taking it for granted that I’m doing nothing they’d be ashamed of. They spent a lot of time teaching me what is right and wrong, and I’ve done my best to live up to it. My privacy comes from the trust they have in me.
However, a lack of trust can seriously strain a relationship, and it’s crucial for us to cultivate relationships with enough trust that privacy is possible. The sad result of not enough privacy is secrecy. How can we combine privacy and trust? I think the answer is accountability.
Instead of hiding what I’m ashamed of, I need people to see through my secrets.
I need study buddies to check on how I’m working; if I don’t have them, I might just while the hours away and lose time and sleep. I need my brother to give me advice when I’m stuck so I don’t give up in tears. I need to tell the secrets of my procrastination and to share the foolish ways I’ve wasted time.
And I need the people who love me to see through my cheery mask; I need them to tell me that no, I’m not okay, and I need to talk. I need my friends to call me out when I try to shove my troubles under the rug. I need the strength to confront the fears that gnaw.
Why? Because of my faith, I believe that people who see through me are actually acting in the image of God. The biblical figure Hagar gives a name to God that illuminates this: He is “the God who sees me.”
I believe we’re called to do as God does. We’re called to see and be seen by each other, as much as it may hurt us. Those we love are best equipped to understand our temptations and steadfastly hold us accountable. They can point us to the One who sees us.
It can be uncomfortable and inconvenient to be known; sometimes it’s terrifying. But it’s better than keeping secrets in the dark.
Talk about what you see on the internet with people you trust. Share both what you enjoy and what makes you uncomfortable, and listen to them in turn. Teach and learn together. (Try including your parents on this!)
About this Plan
While most of her peers were obsessed with their iPhones, Instagramming their lives, and glued to streaming TV, 19-year-old Amy Crouch was growing up with minimal technology. Join Amy and her dad, Andy Crouch, as they share how intentional and controlled use of modern devices, apps, and services helped her avoid many of the negative experiences of her peers and cultivated strength, community, and honesty while navigating a tech-filled world.
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