Prayers of Blessing Over My Adult ChildrenНамуна

The first reaction parents have when their adult child or children get involved with a sinful lifestyle is to blame themselves. But when we do that, we are blaming ourselves for another adult’s poor choices. 

The Bible is clear about our responsibilities as parents. We are to raise our children in to love and obey the Lord. But after more than fifty years of ministry, I (Bruce) haven’t met one parent who said, “I parented my children perfectly."

Several important factors must be overcome in order for each of us with adult children to live according to God’s best and move on with joy in our lives. The first factor focuses on a three-stage forgiveness process.

The first stage of forgiveness focuses on God. If you struggle with how you parented your children, then the first stage of forgiveness is to realize that God awaits your confession of your mistakes and sins. And if you’ve received Jesus Christ as your Savior, He stands ready to extend His complete forgiveness.

Take the time to write on a piece of paper all of your parental failings as they come to mind, and then to ask the Lord to forgive you for each of them. Then, from that point, walk in the Lord’s forgiveness. Live no more with the terrible burden of failure. Live as a forgiven sinner, as all of us must choose to do.

The second stage of forgiveness focuses on your children. When the time is right, tell your children one at a time that you want to speak to them about their childhood. Start by sharing your love for them and then say something like, “I wish I had been a better father/mother to you when you were growing up. I realize that I failed you by ________ (be specific), especially the times when ________. I take full responsibility for my mistakes and sins and humbly ask you to forgive me. Will you forgive me?”

Don’t defend or excuse your previous actions, just seek your adult child’s forgiveness. It’s critical that you are as specific as you can be regarding the wounds of the past since unforgiveness is related to specific wounds. Don’t fall into the trap of saying, “I know that I wasn’t the perfect parent. Will you forgive me?” Ask forgiveness for those things that were the most painful to your children.

When you are finished and the child has forgiven you, ask this follow-up question: “I know that I forgot some other things that hurt your heart. Would you share them so I can apologize?”

You cannot overestimate the power of your adult child forgiving you! And you cannot overestimate the healing that will occur in both of your hearts. 

The third stage of forgiveness focuses on you. This final stage relates to you forgiving yourself for these painful parenting mistakes or sins. Jesus died so that a holy God could forgive you for all your sins, so don’t try to be more holy than God and not choose to forgive yourself. 

Forgiveness that is truly heartfelt radically changes our hearts and lives. We finally are free again to love our children without hidden baggage or restraint. Without working through this forgiveness process, you will have a difficult time praying for your adult children with a free and clean heart. You will live with the weight of guilt and shame rather than forgiveness and freedom.

The final word on this topic is to practice the powerful principle of the apostle Paul: “…forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead” (Philippians 3:13 NKJV). After experiencing forgiveness from God, from each of your children, and finally from yourself, then let the past be the past. Let it all go. Live free of the past and enjoy the present!

Lord, I ask that You enlighten my adult children’s minds in such a way that will allow them to forgive me for the parental mistakes and sins I have committed against them. Open their hearts to a greater desire to love and forgive their parent(s). I do not want to see my adult children living with regret, bitterness, or hatred in their hearts due to anything their parent(s) did or failed to do. Set my adult children free through forgiveness. In Jesus’ name, amen.